The Rosary?!

Over the past year I've taken a look into a few spiritual practices to enhance my time with the LORD.  Well, technically all of our life is in the LORD.  Funny how we try to separate it out in American Christianity.  If there is a downfall in modern Fundamentalist Evangelical Christianity it certainly is the lack of discipling/mentoring.  I've complained before that it's a very arms length faith where you pray "The Sinner's Prayer" you get patted on the head, handed a gift Bible and told, "Good luck!".  When you ask what the next steps are the powers that be shrug and tell you, "Uh...pray and read your Bible every day."  Well great, thanks.  

If you're like me that leads to a sort of choice paralysis.  How do I pray? What do I pray? And how is the best way to study this thing called "the Bible"?  Furthermore, as a young FEC, you find out that the one major guideline is "As long as it isn't Catholic it's good.  If it even hints at something Catholic it needs to be burned and purged from all existence within the life of the believer.  You're safe as long as you just pray and read your Bible.  Now, run along and quit asking so many questions."

For an inquiring mind, such as mine, none of this is sufficient.  Yes, I believe Luther was correct in all 95 thesis that he posted on the door.  Yes, I believe that the Catholic church got things wrong.  However, this "purge and reject in totality" mental state of FEC has done far more damage than good.  I was talking about our church's use of an advent wreath and the reflections of advent with someone recently and they gave me this weird side glance and leaned away from me.  They asked, "Why is your church doing that?  That's a Catholic thing.   Advent wreaths aren't in the Bible."  Well, neither are Christmas trees, exchanging presents or Santa Claus but they swallow that wholesale.  As I write this I notice that they seem quite content to embrace some catholic things embraced by the world and not others...but that's another rant for another time.  

The Catholicism-phobia has been to the universal church's detriment in many ways but particularly in the spiritual disciplines.  There are many practices that get derided as mysticism...but I'm fairly comfortable with a few of them.  "Here's how you do this," is a much more manageable and adaptable system than "Pray whenever you want and read the Bible...if you get around to it.  Your name is down in the Book of Life so I wouldn't worry about it too much" and it produces far more reliable results. Now is where I get to the uncomfortable bit on which I'm certain I will be challenged or at least looked at sideways and leaned back away from.

A long time ago I went to the oldest church in the New World, a small Catholic outpost in Puerto Rico that holds the remains of Ponce De Leon.  I literally almost bumped into De Leon's remains because I was amazed by this place.  One of my interesting attributes is a get a literal high from encountering history in the flesh, as it were, and this was no exception.  I knew that I had to get something to commemorate the occasion, so I purchased a wooden rosary that was supposedly fashioned from wood culled from the Holy Land itself.  I don't necessarily believe that nor do I believe such wood confers any special powers upon it.  

It's been over a decade since that day and this year I was researching different Catholic spiritual practices and naturally praying the rosary came up.  I rolled my eyes a bit at first.  Praying to Mary has never been a practice that I could get my mind around.  I mean, why pray to her when Jesus is our high priest and we have a direct line?  And using it to reduce my sins?  Sola Fide!  But then I was thinking about Luther and how he was Catholic.  My mind connected that to the idea that he likely used a rosary and then to wondering if he used the ritual but re-purposed it.  

As it turns out, whether he re-purposed it himself or not, there is a Lutheran way to pray the rosary and it has been quite a benefit to me.  Now, I understand that this may offend my Catholic friends out there.  I love you.  I am sorry to offend.  But if it glorifies God and brings me closer to Him then isn't that a good thing?  Also, I understand this may seriously offend my FEC friends out there.  I love you.  I am sorry to offend.  But if it glorifies God and brings me closer to Him then isn't that a good thing?  It's not like I'm re-purposing Yoga here.  

Essentially the Lutheran rosary is prayed like this:  First, you clutch the cross and speak the Apostle's Creed.  The first big bead you come to you pray the "Our Father".  For each little bead you pray, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."  The next big bead you pray the "Gloria Patri".  "Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost.  As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be.  Amen."  So, on the big beads you alternate the "Our Father" and the "Gloria Patri" with the "Jesus Prayer" in between.  You all the way around, come back to the cross and pray "The Magnificat".  I know that "Magnificat" is a big scary Catholic sounding word, but it is simply the prayer Mary prayed upon hearing from the angel that she would bear the Christ child.  Deep breath; it's going to be OK.  In fact I fall more and more in love with that prayer.  It declares so much of who God is, His nature and intent, that it blows me away.  But, I digress...surprise...

All of this can be found in this handy online guide HERE.

So, what has been the effect of this "Catholic thingy"?  A much deeper sense of my place in things and God's place in all of history and creation.  

Naturally my Protestant brain recoiled at the repetition of prayers which many of my folk consider "vain" and prohibited.  The point for me is not that I think these prayers earn me any sort of favors with God.  I don't believe that the effort of doing what I should already be doing, praying, is working off my sins (Sola Fide after all).  What I discovered is that as I pray the same prayer again and again it starts to resonate; I start to think and feel the words rather than rattling them off my lips the same way I tell someone my address or cell number.  It's easy to be flippant with prayers and forget what we said like so much verbal mist.  

Repeating a prayer takes you to another level of understanding and meaning.  I can't pray, "...have mercy on me, a sinner" without reflecting on the fact that I desperately need mercy and that I am, in fact, a sinner.  (Some FEC would want to say here that Jesus took on all our sin so we don't need to think, talk about, or reflect on our sinful state and I say, "Woah, there, Scooter.  Might want to dig into that Bible a little more before you minimize a thing that big.")  I can't pray the "Our Father" over and over again without reflecting on how my entire existence and well-being hangs on who He is and what He has done.  How can I pray "and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us" repeatedly and not have it impressed on me that there is a connection between how much I forgive and how much is forgiven me?  That my daily bread comes not from my effort but from His generosity?  That I must surrender MY will, that it is HIS will that should be done?  And I cannot get over every time I pray the "Gloria Patri" that I am exalting the LORD in unison with the angels in heaven.  Me, this little lowly, sin riddled, thing of mud and dust is singing to Him the same praise no matter what circumstances I'm going through.  In trial and in comfort it is the same words coming out of my mouth straight to Him, "Glory be..."  

How could anyone not benefit from this repetition?  When I look at it in it's basic parts, the rosary is a tool for praying scripture; for praying prayers that are actually in the Bible.  If we get over our Protestant snobbery (and I'm convicting myself in that more than anyone else) I don't think we can say that in and of itself it's a useless or terrible thing.  We learn scripture, memorize by repeating, so that we may "hide it in my heart so that I might not sin against You".  And, if we're being honest, most of us train our children to do that, but we leave off ourselves because we are "too busy".  But, another digression...surprise...

In the end I think it's important to remember that Luther did not want to split off from the Catholic church.  He saw much good there.  He simply wanted to reform certain parts like the selling and buying of plenary indulgences.  Successive generations of Protestants have treated all things Catholic like the plague...liturgy is even shunned by many which boggles my mind.  Speaking out, in unison, the words of scripture?  I even met a man who got offended that the congregation was called upon to speak the words of the Apostle's Creed in unison because "that's a Catholic thing to do".  There are things I disagree with in Catholic practices as well, but throwing the baby out with the bath water is ridiculous.  We can take the time to judge rightly with scripture as our guide.  Many of us are sensible people.  

So, to sum up (Which I have tried to do for a few paragraphs now but...squirrel!), I would encourage people to try praying the Lutheran rosary.  It has been of significant benefit to myself...even if it may send Calvin spinning in his grave. ;)

Pax,

W

Limping Between Two Options

I have completed my journey through 1st Kings as of last night, and it has been quite an enlightening one.  One (such as I) might think that there was little to be gleaned from the stories of selfish and evil idolatrous kings constantly failing to abide by the dictates of the LORD but for a few brief shining moments.  And you'd be (and I was) wrong.  I went into my study begrudgingly and I came out of it...I don't want to say I was "rejoicing" but I certainly had a clearer understanding of the LORD, which is always good.  But it's a cringing sort of joy because it also says a lot about us as His people and what our problem is.

Preacher, author, significant Calvinist John MacArthur's podcast recently had a series on sin where he talked about modern Humanism.  Modern humanism believes in the perfectibility of man, that every age of man is a step up, a continual evolution of we humans.  Every age, they say, we leave behind more of our base instincts and become ever more enlightened.  It's a very likeable and compelling belief...as long as you know absolutely nothing about history.  All recorded history, when you get down to it, flies in the face of humanistic ideals.  For a time we act enlightened but all it takes is one generation to turn us from those ideals and march us back into the paths of darkness.  1 Kings is a book that shows us we are still those same people from 4000 years ago and we still wrestle with the same problems.

1 Kings spans the centuries between the death of King David to the death of King Ahab.  During this time Israel is split into Israel and Judah in a civil war.  Jeroboam was made King of the 10 other tribes (Judah consuming the tribe of Benjamin without so much as a by your leave).  Jeroboam rose to kingship and got the majority portion of the once whole country, but there was a threat to his power.  He was convinced that if people traveled to Jerusalem to worship the LORD in the temple in Judah that Solomon had built they would remember the golden years of the Davidic reign and want to be part of that again.  He was afraid that bit by bit his kingdom would secede because the temple is so pretty.  So, what does he do?  He builds two golden calves, one in the north and one in the south, and says "Here, oh Israel, are the gods who brought you out of Egypt."  Total post-Exodus Aaron jerk move.

This softens the people up to the worship of other gods right alongside the One True God.  Solomon had already "broken the seal", so to speak, on this by giving in to his foreign wives and going so far as to worship Molech and Asherah alongside the LORD though not in His temple.  Jeroboam, however, connected the two worships at the same exact location.  Ahab comes along with his foreign wife and he openly worships the Baals and the LORD in the same place even going so far as to apparently worship the Baals more than the LORD.

Along comes Elijah.

During the Mount Carmel confrontation Elijah addresses the assembled masses of Israel and shouts, "How long will you go limping between two options!"  Either Baal is god or the LORD is God.  Stop worshiping them both.  Those words almost glowed on the page.  They stuck out in a way that I know to be the Holy Spirit convicting me of something.

There are a lot of people who think that America is the "new Israel" and that we are full up on God's blessings and promises.  Now, I don't think that is correct, but I think it's interesting that we as a people are committing many of the same sins.  We'd like to believe that we aren't worshiping other gods but let me ask you this:  What thing(s) in your life are keeping you from what Jesus acknowledged as the greatest commandment, "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your might,"?  As harsh at its sounds, whatever it is that holds you back from that is your god.  You see, we are committing the exact same sin as Israel.  We want to worship other gods beside him.

I mean if we give Him slightly more time, if we give Him slightly more consideration then it's OK to worship the same gods that the rest of the world does, right?  Because, it's not like we are worshiping them more so it's not the same has having other gods before Him...right?

Unfortunately that gets a resounding, "No".  All your heart.  Whew...forget the soul and strength, let's sit back and appreciate that.  There is no room for division.  There is no room for sectioning off and this is for God, this is for me, and this is for this other god I don't want to admit controls my desires. All seems to mean all.  And that's where I'll stop because I'm feeling a kindling; like it goes deeper and if I look I'll derail this whole blog post.  So I'll stick that in the Blog Idea file and leave it there today.

Our problem is the same as Israel's that began before the crowning of King Saul and has only gotten worse over time.  We proudly declare, "We are blessed of God!  We are a different and unique people set apart!  So, uh, but we want to be just like everyone else...k?"  Is it any wonder?  We regularly buck against 1 John 2:15 "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you.." We all agree that we are to be "in the world but not of the world," but that rattles off our tongue without us really considering its meaning or its cost.  How do I know?  Because when I rattle it off I don't stop and say, "Oh crap...Woe is me."

We cannot be a unique (holy) people, set apart, and while at the same time trying to be like the rest of the world.  We want it to be OK to do this or that activity, accept this or that sin, alter this or that doctrine to serve our need/want, accept or reject this or that scripture to make Jesus more palatable so our church will be liked more. And, as always, I'm bringing this up because I still haven't wrapped my mind around it.  I'm struggling on a fundamental level with my own inner Israelite.  I want to be special to God, but just like everyone else around me...or at least as much as my seared conscience will allow.

Here's what I do know:  The more we submit to Jesus, the more we do what we know is right via His scriptures, the more we let go of those things that so easily entangle our hearts (not to mention our soul and might), the more we focus on seeking Him, His Kingdom, and His righteousness...the more everything else on earth will matter less and less.  It hurts.  It's painful to our Flesh.  Our knees and necks are so stiff that we struggle to bow, struggle to bend the knee, struggle to do more than lip service.

We haven't changed.

Woe is me.

But...He wants to be known.  That's the joy here.  He's right there.  He is exactly the Papa He says He is; waiting for His prodigal children to even just turn around...and He's running to meet us.

Pax,

W





P.S. For the curious souls who scrolled down this far...Amos is next.



P.P.S. Throughout this blog entry I keep hearing the words of the Law Giver from "The Island of Dr. Moreaux, "If there is no pain...does that mean then that there is no Law?".  How seared are our consciences?

The Temple Means Nothing

I've begun a season of doing my "daily devotions" differently in many ways.  One of those ways is doing my Bible study in a much slower manner.  Gone are the days of trying to somehow fit three or more chapters into my day.  I was essentially Bible speed reading.  It's what we commonly engage in as Christians.  We're busy.  We have lives.  We have commitments.  We have things to get done.  Right?

These days I'm taking a more "study" approach to my Bible study.  I'm focusing one chapter at a time of one book at a time.  The trouble is always where to begin so, Ummim and Thummim style, I put the books of the Bible on little bits of paper and drew one blind out of the bunch leaving it up to the LORD.  I have to admit when I drew I Kings I was less than enthused.  Why?  Because Numbers was a breeze, Leviticus gave me a sense of accomplishment having read every "begat" and such, but the Kings and Chronicles?  That was a hard slog.  Basically it's reading the same dry commentary twice and it was so hard to get through with no real sense of accomplishment at the end.  It felt like I was being finally let out of detention.  I was tempted, sorely tempted, to draw again but I submitted...and as a result I have been quite blessed.

There is a lot of good stuff to be had so far.  I've gone full Bible Nerd on my wife geeking out about what Abishag means to the story of David's end, how Solomon got elements for the temple from as far away as India, etc.  But the biggest mind crack so far was this...

The Temple Means Nothing.

We are all familiar with the wisdom of Solomon, how he prayed as a young man not for riches or fame but for wisdom, how he was blessed with peace on all sides, and ushered Israel into the Golden Age (literally...this guy put so much gold on everything that I couldn't help but think of Pre-President Trump's pictures of his apartment) where silver was so plentiful it was regarded the same as stones in worth.  As God promised David, his son would be allowed to build a temple to "house" the name of the Lord.

Solomon begins the project and the Lord appears to him and says "Regarding this temple you are building..." and then speaks not on the Temple but about Solomon.  The LORD tells him the deal is still the same as with his father; you follow the commandments, don't chase after other gods, you walk in my ways and do the right thing and I will bless you.

There's a lot of impressive words about how much goes into the temple, how ornate and glorious it is, etc and then Solomon completes construction of the temple, dedicates it, blesses the people, and the Lord appears a second time.  The Lord addresses the occasion, says that as He promised His name will live there for all time, but then it's back to the "But IF..."  And it's at this point I realize something that hopefully will change me forever.  The temple means nothing to God.

He even tells Solomon that if he doesn't walk after Him, if he turns to other gods and doesn't walk in His paths then He has no problem pulling that temple down stone by stone till it's rubble, a proverb, a byword that makes other nations marvel and say, "This is what happened when the people of Israel rejected their God."

By many accounts the Temple was one of the single most expensive projects ever conceived and constructed.  It was a feat of engineering, fine craftsmanship; just getting the supplies from place to place had to have been an undertaking of massive proportions.  One would think that God would have been impressed or at least flattered, but no.  Every step along the way from Adam to now the refrain has been essentially the same.

"I want your heart."

What kind of god is that?  It is one far different from any one that has ever been recorded.  He doesn't care about the gold, the ivory, the silver, the massive scale, and even when we get to the end of Solomon's life God still wasn't impressed with the Temple.  It still meant nothing to Him.

Near the end of Solomon's days he has clearly screwed up.  His love for his wives turned his heart from god.  He even sets up a high place to Molech...freaking Molech...the one who demanded babies as sacrifices.  Yeah.  Well, I guess whatever you have to do to get that sweet Ammonite booty, eh Solomon?

God's anger gets into the red and He appears to Solomon for a third time and tells him that He is going to rip the kingdom from out of his hands...all except one tribe.  He does grant the king a mild reprieve.  He promises not to take it from Solomon but from his son.  And that reprieve, the one tribe and after Solomon's death, is not because of Solomon's riches, not because of Solomon's deeds, certainly not because of Solomon's fame and renown, not because of Solomon's wisdom (which has clearly failed him at this point I'd say...willfully), and not because he built the LORD a temple...  It's because of Solomon's DAD.  It's because of the deeds, the heart, and the passion David had for the things of the LORD.  Sure David messed up, sure he had a man killed so he could get the guys wife, but every time conviction came aknocking he proved he was still that shepherd boy on the hillside singing songs to the LORD when no one else could hear.  And that, not the glorious temple precious to so many, was what earned Solomon a minor reprieve from outright destruction of him and all that would come after and screw up the Davidic dynasty again...and again...and again...

The application is pretty clear.  He doesn't care about who you are, what degrees you have, what you've done or have committed to doing for Him.  He isn't impressed with how eloquent your prayers are, if you're going to the "right" denomination's church or not, or how many Charles Spurgeon books you've read.  He doesn't even love you for what you could do for Him.  He wants what He's always wanted from the very beginning...your heart.  He wants you to listen for Him, talk to Him, walk in the ways He has set out for you.  When He says "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength," it's about relationship and experiencing life with Him and through Him.  There are a lot of things that we do in response, but at the Separation of the Sheep and Goats He says to those trying to impress Him with the deeds and wonders, "I never knew you."  You can't do enough because He didn't set it up that way, with things to be done to earn His affection; temples to build, churches to franchise, or nations to convert.

From the dedication of the temple to the words of Jesus it reveals the same heart of the same God.  "Walk with me.  Listen to my knock.  Invite me in and I will eat with you."

Such a God unlike any other.

No wonder we call Him "Holy".

Pax,

W

The Hardest Scripture You'll Ever Read

This morning my spiritual mentor and I were chatting.  I was pontificating (like I do...and like you don't have to be a pontiff to do) on a few things and that's when she dropped Matthew 7:22 and further on me.  The separation of the sheep and the goats is what it gets expanded out to elsewhere.

The context of our original conversation isn't important but suffice to say that we were talking about the parts of the Bible that Christians tend to want to ignore.  Like...Sin.  We have to be honest and say that American Christianity overall hates sin and not in the way God hates sin.  What I mean to say is that we hate talking about it, preaching about it, admitting it exists, and especially hate admitting that it even exists within our selves.  But, what is the power of the Gospel at all if we don't fully recognize that we are a fallen creature who has done this to themselves, continues to do it to themselves, and justifies it almost as much as we poo poo it in our own circles.  "You disrespected your spouse?  Oh, honey/dude everybody does that.  It's no big deal.  Heck, I did it four times on my way over here.  Now, if you cheated that would be totally different."  Uh...actually it's not except by our own fallen creature standards.  But if I continue down this route I'll be putting the miter back on my cabeza and get all pontiff on a subject I've already established it's not crucial for the sake of this post to illuminate.  #MaybeTooLate

I'm going to come right out and say what I may have already stated in previous episodes... Matthew 7:22 and following scares me.  It scares me right out of a dead sleep some nights.  Why?  Because it's Jesus talking.  It being Jesus talking mean's it's GOD talking and what GOD is saying we have zero right or ability to worm our way around.  It's foundational which means it's been true since the foundation of the world, in a land before time (not a kid's movie reference, thank you) whether we want to admit it or not.

There are a lot of things that can and have been said about what the sheep and the goat separation, mostly regarding what it "doesn't" mean.  Often focusing on what it "doesn't" mean leads us to not pay attention to what it "does" say (Thank You, Alistair Begg) and that is a road that leads to ruin.

So, as I believe the LORD tells me from time to time, buckle up, buttercup.  This is going to get rough.  You're not going to like it.  I don't even like it.  But most things that heal us are not likeable...potent medicine, resetting bones, the application of tourniquets, cancer surgery...none of these are holiday options.  So, lets take this line by line instead of scanning through.

"Many will say to me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?'" vs 22

Now here's the thing that pushed this blog post.  It's a little thing.  It's that first word.  It's one of the scariest words in the whole of the scriptures because of its context.

Many.

It brings me absolutely not comfort and it shouldn't bring you any comfort either.  Jesus isn't saying that a few, some, a goodly amount, but MANY are going to say to Him on the day of judgement, "but...but...but...we did stuff!"

These are people who clearly recognize Jesus as "Lord" and have dedicated themselves in some way to Him and His service.  Barney down on the beach doesn't just prophesy for Jesus in between whiling his time away praying to Buddha and meditating on the Sutras.  These "many" are for the home team.  These are people swinging and fielding for Jesus, progressing to the point where they are actually prophesying, actually doing miracles, driving out DEMONS in His name, with His authority and His power.  They call Him the Lord of their lives.  Given this resume is it a huge leap to believe that they may have written books, taught Bible studies, headed up churches?  Preached in arenas?

This is heavy.  The very definition of heavy.  These individuals believe they are Christians, believe they are saved, believe they are on His good side.  They expected to be greeted with open arms and told, "Well done, good and faithful servant" or they wouldn't be protesting, they wouldn't be pleading their case before the judge of the living and the dead, the righteous and the wicked.

The message is compacted in the way only Jesus could, "Hey...this could be you.  Look out.  Don't make excuses.  Don't tell me what I'm not saying.  This is the deal.  Guard your heart.  Know your motivations.  Make sure what is meant to be first is first in your life, and don't screw around with matters of your soul."  We see this in His response.

"I never knew you.  Away from me, you evildoers!" v23 b

I.  Never. Knew you.

That's some cold words from someone everyone sees as loving, forgiving, and all embracing.  That condemns them to Hell and that doesn't even come close to the depiction of Jesus as just a "good teacher" that the World and some in the Church want to think of Him as.  There's going to come a time when He is going to tell people that the miracles they performed, the demons they drove out, and the prophesies they spoke count for nothing.

Do you know Him?  Seriously, there is a vast difference between knowing about someone and knowing someone.  I could read about Winston Churchill, I can read his own words, but I could never say that I know him only that I know about him.  I can feel like I know him, to be sure, but that's not the same as knowing him.  Interestingly the Greek word for "know" here (ginosko) is the same Greek word used for the Jewish idiom for "knowing" someone...sex.  The suggestion is a deep deep intimacy with Him.  "I never knew you" isn't him saying they didn't show up to church or pray.  It's not a casual acquaintance "know" and in my life that's the level I used to be at with Him.

My encouragement, meager as it may be, is this: Don't take this lightly.  And by "this" I mean knowing Him.  We can do all the great and mighty works of God and still not know Him.  I venture to say that we can even feed the poor, clothe the naked, and visit the sick and it still wouldn't count if we did not deeply intimately know Him.

Knowing you and being known by you is very high on God's list of things He wants.  There are many out there who say that you can't experience God and my response is now and always, "Then WHY does He tell us to?"  "Taste and See", "If I answer the door I will come in to him and sup with him", and I could go on and on.  Knowing about Him isn't enough, and He says it right there in Matthew.  Stop being consumed by the distractions of the world though they call to you, though you are addicted to them, though they make you so blissfully happy (and you already know which ones I'm talking about) because they are distracting you from REAL LIFE.  And by REAL LIFE I mean HIM, because He says "I am the way, the truth and the life".  He's not just A way or A truth.  We say that all the time leaving off there and betraying our hearts.  He is not A life.  He is THE life.  He is by His very own definition REAL LIFE.  And that's heavy because I didn't realize that until right now so I'm going to pause, close the Facebook window in the background and let that sink in.
.
.
.
Wow.  I've still not fully absorbed that.

It's a massive alteration which takes time. Though I'm sure my beloved Pastor is thinking, "BOOM!  Yes!  Got one!" because he's been trying to teach that to his congregation for YEARS and I thought I had it before, but now my vision cracked just a little bit and all that light is pouring through causing a kind of spiritual pupil constriction making me shield my spirit peepers and utter a full on Neo from the Matrix, "Woah..."  It'll be a while before I can utter, "I know Kung Fu..." on this one to which I'm sure my mentor will pull the Morpheus response of a skeptical appraising look followed by the line, "Show me."

The point, in so much as I can full articulate one, is to stop your distractions.  Focus on what connects to Him.  He says that this very act has eternal consequences.  We nod our heads along when someone quotes "...and there is no life apart from Him..." then get in our SUVs, turn on the game of the week, while playing games on our phones sitting next to our loved ones who are doing the same, and we say "Where's God?"  Clear the field.  Seek Him and you will find Him.  How do I know?  No other reason than because He says so and He is not a man that He should lie.

Pax,

Will

The Deification of George Washington

Like many of my posts on here, I am uncomfortable with what I'm about to write.  I believe that's actually part of the nature of whatever it is I do.  I'm thinking, I'm questioning, I'm grabbing something and holding it up to the Lord and saying, "So, about this..." and I don't really seem to care if it's something beautiful or ugly.  But then there are those days where I show something to Him that I think is benign and He says, "Uh, actually...we need to have a serious conversation about that.  It's uglier than you think."  And so I bring it here and share with you all for the purposes of conversation and iron sharpening iron.  Today is likely to piss off some people whom I love, but that is not my intent AT ALL.  So, without further ado...

Standard Disclaimer:  I use this blog to express thoughts and ideas.  I am not now nor am I ever trying to use it as a massive soapbox where I am all wise and you need to listen to me because you can't figure it out yourself.  I often get things wrong, and I don't mind being proven wrong.  I question everything including my questions.  I am a growing, evolving being and in 5 minutes or 5 years I may think differently.

Now, with that out of the way, what's up with the title?

I was watching a video on Youtube the other day (I couldn't tell you which one to even link it here, I go down so many rabbit trails) and this guy was talking about how on the ceiling of the rotunda of the United States Capitol Building there is this painting called "The Apotheosis of Washington".  It is a spectacular looking piece calling back to Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel.  Such rich colors and symbolism, all the good stuff you think of in great paintings.  The thing of it is that there is George Washington seated in the clouds surrounded by these angelic and symbolic beings, and that's fine until you realize what "apotheosis" means.  It means "the elevation of someone to divine status; deification" (hence my title).  The other day it was simply an oddity and a "huh...why would someone of a Christian nation in 1865 make something to represent that?"  So, I'll get back to this so hold it in your mind, or bookmark it, or whatever works.

My recent growth spurt in things pertaining to the Spirit started less than a year ago with the impressing of the Lord on me to get alone.  I did.  I worked through some issues, forgave people I didn't even realize I needed to forgive, and He gave me a directive; to learn what it means to walk in the Spirit.  Now, I'm not a master of that, but I'm getting a handle on what it means.  This morning He gave me another directive; to learn what it means to be of the Kingdom.

"Kingdom" is a word i keep hearing bandied about by would be prophets, televangelists even some dietitians (there seriously is a Christian "Kingdom Diet") and so I have spent a lot of time believing it to be the new Christianese buzzword.  I've had my fill of them in my nearly 40 years and just shrug them off.  So, when the Lord laid it on me this morning I went, "Uh...oh...kay..." and began to think about it.  I consulted my spiritual mentor and she gave me the sort of things I wasn't looking for but needed to start on my journey.  It would be really nice if it all came nicely bundled up in one book with a flashy cover so I could pour over it and nod sagely will drinking my coffee, saying things like, "Oh, yes.  I see now.  My how foolish I've been.  I am so much wiser for having read this."  And that does happen from time to time.  C. S. Lewis gets me in the sagely nodding mode.  But, today, my first step into understanding the Kingdom wasn't "Oh, yes.  I see", it was "Oh, crap.  Woe is me."

When I think about Kingdoms I think about Kings.  I think about rulers.  I think about who belongs to a King.  I think about how a King owns all that he surveys from the land to the people and how the identity of people is often bound up in who is ruling over them.  Their actions, reactions, purchases, holidays, celebrations, stuff around their house often reflects their monarch.  We can see this in a negative light in North Korea with the near deification of their "blessed leader" and to more nostalgic effect with the Queen of England.  The royal family is still given much regard even to the point that Her Majesty is sometimes sported on tea cozies and commemorative china plates.

So, as I was making the bed, folding the laundry, and trying to avoid scrubbing the toilets (because really, who jumps into that chore with gusto?) the question was raised in my head;

"So, whose Kingdom do you belong to?"
"Well, yours Lord.  Naturally."

And there was a still pause there.  It was the kind of pause your parents used to employ when they knew better than you about who you are and how you act and what they asked was to get you to realize that same thing too.

I looked in my heart and what I found there was a terrible thing.  I almost didn't want to pull it out and look at it.  My reflex of finding a thing and talking to the Lord about it was thankfully ingrained in me enough that I did it automatically.

One can't be born and raised in the United States of America and not encounter the American Myth.  By that I mean the whole explanation of where we came from, what we are meant to be, and, in many evangelical circles, they even go so far as to believe that we are the "New Chosen People" now that Israel is somehow out of favor.  Don't ask me how it makes sense.  I don't get it, but I was suffused, even baptized in a way, into the belief in the greatness of America, how we were destined to be God's shining city on a hill, His light in the darkness.  And these men, Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, and all the rest were the greatest men of the age, men to emulate and try to live up to.

Here is my confession.  I give it to you feeling a lump in my stomach and a hesitating flutter in my chest.  Are you ready?

When God asked me whose Kingdom I belonged to I had to be honest and admit that I belonged not wholly to His Kingdom, but to the Kingdom of the Myth of America.

And how do I know?  Because my passions, my excitement, my identity, my love, my desires are all wrapped up in the flag.

I realized in an instant that, as a Protestant, in the absence of saints I accepted Washington, Jefferson, Adams, and Franklin.  I get more of a thrill, more guidance, more of my integrity, and my character from studying those men than I do when I study my Bible.  Good me, exceptional men, to be sure, but I find that if I'm looking to them rather than Jesus...what am I doing?

I have believed, not consciously mind you, that the United States of America is "Jesus Inc." that we are somehow His new chosen people so of course we're fine, golden, and good.  Just by being Americans we've got a spiritual leg up.  Sure, other countries "have Jesus" but come on!  We're the head office, the HQ, the Corporate Flagship.  Those other guys are basically franchises.  I mean that's why we have missionaries go out there, right?

I've swallowed hook, line, and sinker that we are right because of who we are as a nation.  I mean, I know, I question all the time what we are doing in other places, I don't trust the government and that sort of thing, but there is this emotion in me, this switch that automatically goes "Yeah, but it's our flag so God is going to bless it."

When, on top of all this, the words of the Founders and the Constitution come more readily to my mind and direct more of my life than Scripture then, God forgive me, I have deified my own country.  I treat those Founders as better and with even more regard (honest) even than Peter, John, Paul, Thomas, and yes, even Jesus.  As great men as the Founders may have been for their age I have felt a fire for them that I haven't for the ones in the second half of the Book.  As a Christian...that is messed up and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not alone.

What I believe God is calling me to, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were others, is a people for Himself; a people who find no identity in the world apart from Him.  Because once we come to Christ all those labels are supposed to fall away ("therefore there is no...Greek, Jew, slave, free) and become as dust, all previous political or social affections are to be snuffed out, and we turn our affections to one and only one.  Given the long scope of our God's focus and vision this doesn't seem too far fetched.  To Him, in the span of time, our nation, though it may be made "Great Again" is dust, it's vapor, it's gone in an instant.  And yet I want to cling, I want to put my affections on those symbols, on this country, on those historical figures.

Is the American Myth better than most other myths out there?  Absolutely.  Can believing in the American Myth make you a better Man or Woman?  I believe so.  But what I want to tell you is that it's a competing myth that steers our affections toward something and away from something else.

I want to emphasize that nobody told me to have this issue that I have.  Nobody sat down and taught me to turn my affections toward something other that Jesus.  The Greeks had Hercules and people thought it would be better for me to read about someone who actually existed and was an American.  I don't fault anyone but myself in this.

I worry that we, as a whole, are like the Israelites, who knew they were special to God and believed in that to save them from the wrath, and so they worshiped other gods, other heroes, other deities in high places rather than the One to whom they belonged.  I worry that we think we are so special that hearing preaching on "sin" grates on our ears even as Christians.  I worry that I've become so desensitized to the Bible through familiarity that I've cast my affections elsewhere because those new things are more tangible, relatable as quasi-politic-religious icons, and I cast my faith on the System and that politics will save us rather than His might, His power.

One of the most disturbing images I've ever seen has been whenever I see a Cross or Bible draped in a flag.  I never knew why it bothered me so much, but now I have an inkling.  It's been a long time since I've said the "Pledge of Allegiance" because it is swearing allegiance to a flag, an inanimate object.  Again, I wasn't sure why it bothered me so much, but now...

Pax,

W

Lurking in the Silences

So, I've been places, I've done things, and now I'm back.  Hopefully that's good enough because I'm not a fan of making excuses and I really have gone and done so much, changed so very much, in ways that only a Living God could do in me.  It will all come out in drips and drabs through the things I'll be relating now and in the future, I'm sure.

The beginning of all the changes came when the LORD brought me to a therapist a few months ago.  I was stuck.  I was in a depressive spiral that nothing could seem to pull me through or out of.  I prayed and received my answer of 2 people, one who knows me intimately and one who didn't know me from Adam, saying "Yeah, you might want to talk to a professional about that."  So, recognizing it for what it was, I submitted myself to His greater wisdom.

I've never really had a problem admitting when I need help.  I've always been quick to read that marriage book, talk to the pastor or get a relationship counselor.  It seems ridiculous to me to waste time not reaching out when help is available.  My only concern on this one was money.  Therapists, and good ones, are fairly notoriously expensive.  Fortunately my insurance covered it (uh...actually Thanks, Obama...) and I was able to find an excellent Christian therapist.  It took 8 or so visits for us to come to the real crux of the issue and it felt like a tree of bitterness had been pulled out by the roots... and then everything changed.  It was, no joke, like the LORD leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Buckle up, buttercup," because over the next few weeks He went to work on me.  I seriously had a friend who has some prophetic gifting message me and say, "Uh, I don't know why, but the Lord says to tell you to relax, let go, and whatever is going to happen is going to be good, no matter how scary it might look."  They had no idea my situation at all and the timing was spot on.

I have grown in Christ more in the past two weeks than probably the past three years and, as things of the Spirit often are, it is very hard to describe.  So much has changed.  How I react to stressors, how I relate to my kids, my wife, the LORD Himself, and most surprising of all is how I feel about my writing has all changed.

There was a hole, as there usually is when a tree is uprooted, that I could sense in the Spirit.  I knew that I needed to fill it in or another tree would take its place or even the same one as before.  So, I asked around to the important people in my life who were also Christ followers what it was was that they do for their devotions.  I needed to fill that hole left behind with a spiritual practice.  I was already reading my Bible and praying but something else needed to be added.

My spiritual mentor told me about how she wakes early every day and listens for God.  We spend so much of our Christian walk talking to/at God and hardly any time listening intently.  So, I woke up at 5 am, told the LORD what I was up to and waited.  What happened was almost indescribable.  I guess the easiest way to say it is that I have a renewed sense of His constant presence.  Most of that first session and some of those after (I have in fact been up at 5 every morning for this ever since) I'm pretty sure was the Holy Spirit rifling through my sub conscious going, "Don't need this...don't need this...this shouldn't have ever been here in the first place...I know I didn't put this here so out it goes..." And life has been so different.  Peace.  Joy.  I was so the opposite of depressed that I put my therapy sessions on hold indefinitely.  I'm react so much more readily with care and compassion.  And the best part is I know that it's not because of me.  When I studied Zen, Paganism, Kabbalah back in my wild youth it was all about my performance which led to pride and ego inflation and looking down at those "less spiritual" than I.  This?  He is doing the heavy lifting, making the changes, and causing the things within me to become more and more like His Son, Jesus Christ.  I couldn't force this change if I tried.

Now, that is all setup for what I wanted to say in this entry: He is in the silences waiting for you.

We spend so much time watching movies, playing video games, filling our lives with entertainment, noise and distractions; so much so that we almost have to yell at each other just to be heard.  And yes, from time to time God will "yell" at us.  We get in the car turn on the radio, we have our eyes pulled away from the road and each other by notifications on our phone and we want to send the kids to this or that and then we've got to do drive thru on the way home and we are so wound up or are done with the kids that we put them in front of the TV while they eat and then we can't wait to get them to bed so we can have time with our spouse to watch that one show which we then binge too late into the night and we sleep 6 hours and then hit the snooze button too many times and then have to scramble to get the kids to school and ourselves to work, and then when we get done with work we get in the car, we turn on the radio...and then wonder "Why don't I hear anything from God in my life?? Why is He silent?!?!"  (and just so we're clear...this was me, not me judging someone else)

What I have found is that the Lord is a lion lurking in the silences.  He is a still small voice waiting to pounce and in modern society we give Him less and less opportunity.  We have to make the opportunity.  You have to carve out time with a machete if you want to hear Him, hack away at the idols in our own lives, and one of the hardest idols to slash is our self.

I didn't want to do this.  I didn't want to wake up faithfully every day at 5 and if He hadn't actually led me there during a period of transition I don't know that I would have done it at all.  I would be on the same vicious cycle of distracting myself and wondering if He was even listening at all when it was me who didn't care to listen.

The World will make the most of any opportunity to push back, to drop a crisis in our lap, to distract us with a phone notification, pull us into being emotionally explosive about some political thing done by people who don't even know or care that you actually exist but you care so greatly about though you have no effect, because if you have even 10 minutes of silence, 10 minutes to breathe, the Lord will pounce.  I do not doubt that this is the reality one bit.  (again...because this was me)

When we look at the Biblical vision of Sabbath it is with the intention of God's people having rest, quiet, peace.  That is where I truly believe God really operates on people.

When do most major changes in people's lives happen?  When a heart attack or something major malady puts them in the hospital and all they have is time to look, breathe, think, and reassess...or watch daytime TV which ultimately gets people to turn that off as well.  He is there, lurking in the rest and in the silence, waiting for the opportunity to leap/pounce into the lives of His people.

The Bible is full of references to testing the Lord's promises, invitations to "taste and see", and that is one of the most life changing things you'll ever do...because when God basically says, "C'mon...I dare you..." (and believe me, that's what "taste and see" is...a Holy dare) He's always going to do exactly what He said He would do.

Pax,

W

Memento Mori

In the grand Roman age a returning victorious general, or up and coming Caesar, would be treated to a massive celebration called a "Triumph".  Coincidentally this is where we get the name for Jesus' entry into Jerusalem, the "Triumphal Entry".  There are astounding and subversive parallels that I won't go into here.  Essentially, Jesus' triumphal entry was a message directly to the Romans.  I'll save it 'til Easter.

One of the sequences near the end of the celebration was to ascend the steps that led to the top of a sacred hill.  Inside the temple at the top the general would metaphorically die and be "reborn", supposedly immortal.  Before going up the hill the praised general or other candidate would be smacked across the face by a lowly slave and told, "Memento Mori".  "Remember, you are mortal/you will die."  It seems so incongruent.  He is being lauded by all the people of Rome, about to achieve immortality, and yet this low born, stinking slave grounds him by telling him that he is still dust, no matter what anyone thinks or says of him later.  Throughout our lives, if we are lucky, we have a few "Memento Mori" moments.  Recently I had one.

I won't go into much in the way of details, but for a few days I was genuinely afraid of that I had cancer.  I don't, thankfully.  We got it checked out and all is well, just a bit of a scare, but I came away from it with something I didn't have before.  I say that I was afraid, and I was, but I had a significant moment that I'd experienced only once before.

Years ago I worked the graveyard shift at a shipping dock where we unloaded trucks of their cargo, sorted them, and divided the pallets and crates into other trucks to go elsewhere.  I was on my own for fifteen minutes or so and found that there was a thin crate as tall and nearly as long as the container that was the only thing left to unload.  For some reason I believed that something that large and long had to be light.  I unstrapped it and was immediately crushed beneath it.  As it turns out the crate was 2,658 lbs.

I was trapped underneath the crate.  Fortunately the containers you see trucks hauling around aren't exactly as wide as they are tall.  The full weight wasn't crushing down on me, but it was enough to trap me and make it difficult to breathe.  It was at that moment I had a fairly profound experience.  I was at peace.  The spirit part of me, the eternal bit of stuff inside us all, was perfectly calm.  The animal part of me was freaking out and screaming its head off.  Somehow I experienced that division between spirit and flesh and it changed my perspective of a lot of things.

Back to the present...ish.  During my "Memento Mori" period a few days ago I felt the same thing.  A small part of the time I was freaking out.  I'd get this rush of anxiety, or I'd suddenly become irritable.  At night I would wake up sitting bolt upright, my heart pounding in my chest, the animal/flesh part of me having a meltdown.

By stark contrast, the spirit part was at peace, and, in fact, growing as a result of the experience.  I was looking at life differently.  My whole perspective shifted.  My wife's kisses were sweeter, my interactions with my kids was calmer, more sympathetic, and understanding.  My desires shifted hard towards things that were actually eternal.  I wasn't at all interested in petty conflicts and my pet peeves didn't matter quite as much anymore.  When you are facing the potential of "oblivion" you start to reevaluate things.  Suddenly what you could put off and get to later moves from the back burner to the front.  Fortunately it has stayed with me in the days since.

I wonder if this is the reason that a lot of older people seem so calm, so at peace, so loving, patient, understanding, and kind.  I've neglected their advice whenever they've told me, "Oh, sweetie, don't worry about that.  Don't give it the time of day.  It doesn't matter."  In my youth and passion I believed every little thing mattered.  Now I see the value of their advice so very clearly.  When you know for a fact that you could die any moment, or that your health (when it comes down to if for real) is pretty much out of your hands, I think you have two choices; get bitter or get kind.

I don't know if we can actually make that kind of a change without the direct "Memento Mori" experience.  I considered how the death of someone close to us can cause us to view things differently, but I think that might be a "light" version.  Knowing your own mortality, coming face to face with your individual startling fragility is not something I imagine you can experience vicariously.

It does make me think about Jesus' moments in the Garden of Gethsemane.  I wonder often about how intensely He must have been feeling His mortality, that it was the animal/fleshy bit begging the LORD for another way, sweating blood.  Despite the fact that He knew how it would end, He still was going to feel every iota of pain and death.

I guess there isn't much of a point to this post, other than to say that I'm seeing these "Memento Mori" moments as a gift in a way; an undercover blessing.  We pass from here so quickly, so easily like a vapor, and even into my very late 30's I still tend to think I'm invincible.  We do well to be smacked by a slave and reminded that we are mortal, fading, and dust; that any day we live is essentially borrowed time.  Naturally, you'll only understand this once you've experienced it.  So...good luck with that.  :)

Pax,

W