Like many of my posts on here, I am uncomfortable with what I'm about to write. I believe that's actually part of the nature of whatever it is I do. I'm thinking, I'm questioning, I'm grabbing something and holding it up to the Lord and saying, "So, about this..." and I don't really seem to care if it's something beautiful or ugly. But then there are those days where I show something to Him that I think is benign and He says, "Uh, actually...we need to have a serious conversation about that. It's uglier than you think." And so I bring it here and share with you all for the purposes of conversation and iron sharpening iron. Today is likely to piss off some people whom I love, but that is not my intent AT ALL. So, without further ado...
Standard Disclaimer: I use this blog to express thoughts and ideas. I am not now nor am I ever trying to use it as a massive soapbox where I am all wise and you need to listen to me because you can't figure it out yourself. I often get things wrong, and I don't mind being proven wrong. I question everything including my questions. I am a growing, evolving being and in 5 minutes or 5 years I may think differently.
Now, with that out of the way, what's up with the title?
I was watching a video on Youtube the other day (I couldn't tell you which one to even link it here, I go down so many rabbit trails) and this guy was talking about how on the ceiling of the rotunda of the United States Capitol Building there is this painting called "The Apotheosis of Washington". It is a spectacular looking piece calling back to Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel. Such rich colors and symbolism, all the good stuff you think of in great paintings. The thing of it is that there is George Washington seated in the clouds surrounded by these angelic and symbolic beings, and that's fine until you realize what "apotheosis" means. It means "the elevation of someone to divine status; deification" (hence my title). The other day it was simply an oddity and a "huh...why would someone of a Christian nation in 1865 make something to represent that?" So, I'll get back to this so hold it in your mind, or bookmark it, or whatever works.
My recent growth spurt in things pertaining to the Spirit started less than a year ago with the impressing of the Lord on me to get alone. I did. I worked through some issues, forgave people I didn't even realize I needed to forgive, and He gave me a directive; to learn what it means to walk in the Spirit. Now, I'm not a master of that, but I'm getting a handle on what it means. This morning He gave me another directive; to learn what it means to be of the Kingdom.
"Kingdom" is a word i keep hearing bandied about by would be prophets, televangelists even some dietitians (there seriously is a Christian "Kingdom Diet") and so I have spent a lot of time believing it to be the new Christianese buzzword. I've had my fill of them in my nearly 40 years and just shrug them off. So, when the Lord laid it on me this morning I went, "Uh...oh...kay..." and began to think about it. I consulted my spiritual mentor and she gave me the sort of things I wasn't looking for but needed to start on my journey. It would be really nice if it all came nicely bundled up in one book with a flashy cover so I could pour over it and nod sagely will drinking my coffee, saying things like, "Oh, yes. I see now. My how foolish I've been. I am so much wiser for having read this." And that does happen from time to time. C. S. Lewis gets me in the sagely nodding mode. But, today, my first step into understanding the Kingdom wasn't "Oh, yes. I see", it was "Oh, crap. Woe is me."
When I think about Kingdoms I think about Kings. I think about rulers. I think about who belongs to a King. I think about how a King owns all that he surveys from the land to the people and how the identity of people is often bound up in who is ruling over them. Their actions, reactions, purchases, holidays, celebrations, stuff around their house often reflects their monarch. We can see this in a negative light in North Korea with the near deification of their "blessed leader" and to more nostalgic effect with the Queen of England. The royal family is still given much regard even to the point that Her Majesty is sometimes sported on tea cozies and commemorative china plates.
So, as I was making the bed, folding the laundry, and trying to avoid scrubbing the toilets (because really, who jumps into that chore with gusto?) the question was raised in my head;
"So, whose Kingdom do you belong to?"
"Well, yours Lord. Naturally."
And there was a still pause there. It was the kind of pause your parents used to employ when they knew better than you about who you are and how you act and what they asked was to get you to realize that same thing too.
I looked in my heart and what I found there was a terrible thing. I almost didn't want to pull it out and look at it. My reflex of finding a thing and talking to the Lord about it was thankfully ingrained in me enough that I did it automatically.
One can't be born and raised in the United States of America and not encounter the American Myth. By that I mean the whole explanation of where we came from, what we are meant to be, and, in many evangelical circles, they even go so far as to believe that we are the "New Chosen People" now that Israel is somehow out of favor. Don't ask me how it makes sense. I don't get it, but I was suffused, even baptized in a way, into the belief in the greatness of America, how we were destined to be God's shining city on a hill, His light in the darkness. And these men, Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Franklin, and all the rest were the greatest men of the age, men to emulate and try to live up to.
Here is my confession. I give it to you feeling a lump in my stomach and a hesitating flutter in my chest. Are you ready?
When God asked me whose Kingdom I belonged to I had to be honest and admit that I belonged not wholly to His Kingdom, but to the Kingdom of the Myth of America.
And how do I know? Because my passions, my excitement, my identity, my love, my desires are all wrapped up in the flag.
I realized in an instant that, as a Protestant, in the absence of saints I accepted Washington, Jefferson, Adams, and Franklin. I get more of a thrill, more guidance, more of my integrity, and my character from studying those men than I do when I study my Bible. Good me, exceptional men, to be sure, but I find that if I'm looking to them rather than Jesus...what am I doing?
I have believed, not consciously mind you, that the United States of America is "Jesus Inc." that we are somehow His new chosen people so of course we're fine, golden, and good. Just by being Americans we've got a spiritual leg up. Sure, other countries "have Jesus" but come on! We're the head office, the HQ, the Corporate Flagship. Those other guys are basically franchises. I mean that's why we have missionaries go out there, right?
I've swallowed hook, line, and sinker that we are right because of who we are as a nation. I mean, I know, I question all the time what we are doing in other places, I don't trust the government and that sort of thing, but there is this emotion in me, this switch that automatically goes "Yeah, but it's our flag so God is going to bless it."
When, on top of all this, the words of the Founders and the Constitution come more readily to my mind and direct more of my life than Scripture then, God forgive me, I have deified my own country. I treat those Founders as better and with even more regard (honest) even than Peter, John, Paul, Thomas, and yes, even Jesus. As great men as the Founders may have been for their age I have felt a fire for them that I haven't for the ones in the second half of the Book. As a Christian...that is messed up and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not alone.
What I believe God is calling me to, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were others, is a people for Himself; a people who find no identity in the world apart from Him. Because once we come to Christ all those labels are supposed to fall away ("therefore there is no...Greek, Jew, slave, free) and become as dust, all previous political or social affections are to be snuffed out, and we turn our affections to one and only one. Given the long scope of our God's focus and vision this doesn't seem too far fetched. To Him, in the span of time, our nation, though it may be made "Great Again" is dust, it's vapor, it's gone in an instant. And yet I want to cling, I want to put my affections on those symbols, on this country, on those historical figures.
Is the American Myth better than most other myths out there? Absolutely. Can believing in the American Myth make you a better Man or Woman? I believe so. But what I want to tell you is that it's a competing myth that steers our affections toward something and away from something else.
I want to emphasize that nobody told me to have this issue that I have. Nobody sat down and taught me to turn my affections toward something other that Jesus. The Greeks had Hercules and people thought it would be better for me to read about someone who actually existed and was an American. I don't fault anyone but myself in this.
I worry that we, as a whole, are like the Israelites, who knew they were special to God and believed in that to save them from the wrath, and so they worshiped other gods, other heroes, other deities in high places rather than the One to whom they belonged. I worry that we think we are so special that hearing preaching on "sin" grates on our ears even as Christians. I worry that I've become so desensitized to the Bible through familiarity that I've cast my affections elsewhere because those new things are more tangible, relatable as quasi-politic-religious icons, and I cast my faith on the System and that politics will save us rather than His might, His power.
One of the most disturbing images I've ever seen has been whenever I see a Cross or Bible draped in a flag. I never knew why it bothered me so much, but now I have an inkling. It's been a long time since I've said the "Pledge of Allegiance" because it is swearing allegiance to a flag, an inanimate object. Again, I wasn't sure why it bothered me so much, but now...
Pax,
W
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Lurking in the Silences
So, I've been places, I've done things, and now I'm back. Hopefully that's good enough because I'm not a fan of making excuses and I really have gone and done so much, changed so very much, in ways that only a Living God could do in me. It will all come out in drips and drabs through the things I'll be relating now and in the future, I'm sure.
The beginning of all the changes came when the LORD brought me to a therapist a few months ago. I was stuck. I was in a depressive spiral that nothing could seem to pull me through or out of. I prayed and received my answer of 2 people, one who knows me intimately and one who didn't know me from Adam, saying "Yeah, you might want to talk to a professional about that." So, recognizing it for what it was, I submitted myself to His greater wisdom.
I've never really had a problem admitting when I need help. I've always been quick to read that marriage book, talk to the pastor or get a relationship counselor. It seems ridiculous to me to waste time not reaching out when help is available. My only concern on this one was money. Therapists, and good ones, are fairly notoriously expensive. Fortunately my insurance covered it (uh...actually Thanks, Obama...) and I was able to find an excellent Christian therapist. It took 8 or so visits for us to come to the real crux of the issue and it felt like a tree of bitterness had been pulled out by the roots... and then everything changed. It was, no joke, like the LORD leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Buckle up, buttercup," because over the next few weeks He went to work on me. I seriously had a friend who has some prophetic gifting message me and say, "Uh, I don't know why, but the Lord says to tell you to relax, let go, and whatever is going to happen is going to be good, no matter how scary it might look." They had no idea my situation at all and the timing was spot on.
I have grown in Christ more in the past two weeks than probably the past three years and, as things of the Spirit often are, it is very hard to describe. So much has changed. How I react to stressors, how I relate to my kids, my wife, the LORD Himself, and most surprising of all is how I feel about my writing has all changed.
There was a hole, as there usually is when a tree is uprooted, that I could sense in the Spirit. I knew that I needed to fill it in or another tree would take its place or even the same one as before. So, I asked around to the important people in my life who were also Christ followers what it was was that they do for their devotions. I needed to fill that hole left behind with a spiritual practice. I was already reading my Bible and praying but something else needed to be added.
My spiritual mentor told me about how she wakes early every day and listens for God. We spend so much of our Christian walk talking to/at God and hardly any time listening intently. So, I woke up at 5 am, told the LORD what I was up to and waited. What happened was almost indescribable. I guess the easiest way to say it is that I have a renewed sense of His constant presence. Most of that first session and some of those after (I have in fact been up at 5 every morning for this ever since) I'm pretty sure was the Holy Spirit rifling through my sub conscious going, "Don't need this...don't need this...this shouldn't have ever been here in the first place...I know I didn't put this here so out it goes..." And life has been so different. Peace. Joy. I was so the opposite of depressed that I put my therapy sessions on hold indefinitely. I'm react so much more readily with care and compassion. And the best part is I know that it's not because of me. When I studied Zen, Paganism, Kabbalah back in my wild youth it was all about my performance which led to pride and ego inflation and looking down at those "less spiritual" than I. This? He is doing the heavy lifting, making the changes, and causing the things within me to become more and more like His Son, Jesus Christ. I couldn't force this change if I tried.
Now, that is all setup for what I wanted to say in this entry: He is in the silences waiting for you.
We spend so much time watching movies, playing video games, filling our lives with entertainment, noise and distractions; so much so that we almost have to yell at each other just to be heard. And yes, from time to time God will "yell" at us. We get in the car turn on the radio, we have our eyes pulled away from the road and each other by notifications on our phone and we want to send the kids to this or that and then we've got to do drive thru on the way home and we are so wound up or are done with the kids that we put them in front of the TV while they eat and then we can't wait to get them to bed so we can have time with our spouse to watch that one show which we then binge too late into the night and we sleep 6 hours and then hit the snooze button too many times and then have to scramble to get the kids to school and ourselves to work, and then when we get done with work we get in the car, we turn on the radio...and then wonder "Why don't I hear anything from God in my life?? Why is He silent?!?!" (and just so we're clear...this was me, not me judging someone else)
What I have found is that the Lord is a lion lurking in the silences. He is a still small voice waiting to pounce and in modern society we give Him less and less opportunity. We have to make the opportunity. You have to carve out time with a machete if you want to hear Him, hack away at the idols in our own lives, and one of the hardest idols to slash is our self.
I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to wake up faithfully every day at 5 and if He hadn't actually led me there during a period of transition I don't know that I would have done it at all. I would be on the same vicious cycle of distracting myself and wondering if He was even listening at all when it was me who didn't care to listen.
The World will make the most of any opportunity to push back, to drop a crisis in our lap, to distract us with a phone notification, pull us into being emotionally explosive about some political thing done by people who don't even know or care that you actually exist but you care so greatly about though you have no effect, because if you have even 10 minutes of silence, 10 minutes to breathe, the Lord will pounce. I do not doubt that this is the reality one bit. (again...because this was me)
When we look at the Biblical vision of Sabbath it is with the intention of God's people having rest, quiet, peace. That is where I truly believe God really operates on people.
When do most major changes in people's lives happen? When a heart attack or something major malady puts them in the hospital and all they have is time to look, breathe, think, and reassess...or watch daytime TV which ultimately gets people to turn that off as well. He is there, lurking in the rest and in the silence, waiting for the opportunity to leap/pounce into the lives of His people.
The Bible is full of references to testing the Lord's promises, invitations to "taste and see", and that is one of the most life changing things you'll ever do...because when God basically says, "C'mon...I dare you..." (and believe me, that's what "taste and see" is...a Holy dare) He's always going to do exactly what He said He would do.
Pax,
W
The beginning of all the changes came when the LORD brought me to a therapist a few months ago. I was stuck. I was in a depressive spiral that nothing could seem to pull me through or out of. I prayed and received my answer of 2 people, one who knows me intimately and one who didn't know me from Adam, saying "Yeah, you might want to talk to a professional about that." So, recognizing it for what it was, I submitted myself to His greater wisdom.
I've never really had a problem admitting when I need help. I've always been quick to read that marriage book, talk to the pastor or get a relationship counselor. It seems ridiculous to me to waste time not reaching out when help is available. My only concern on this one was money. Therapists, and good ones, are fairly notoriously expensive. Fortunately my insurance covered it (uh...actually Thanks, Obama...) and I was able to find an excellent Christian therapist. It took 8 or so visits for us to come to the real crux of the issue and it felt like a tree of bitterness had been pulled out by the roots... and then everything changed. It was, no joke, like the LORD leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Buckle up, buttercup," because over the next few weeks He went to work on me. I seriously had a friend who has some prophetic gifting message me and say, "Uh, I don't know why, but the Lord says to tell you to relax, let go, and whatever is going to happen is going to be good, no matter how scary it might look." They had no idea my situation at all and the timing was spot on.
I have grown in Christ more in the past two weeks than probably the past three years and, as things of the Spirit often are, it is very hard to describe. So much has changed. How I react to stressors, how I relate to my kids, my wife, the LORD Himself, and most surprising of all is how I feel about my writing has all changed.
There was a hole, as there usually is when a tree is uprooted, that I could sense in the Spirit. I knew that I needed to fill it in or another tree would take its place or even the same one as before. So, I asked around to the important people in my life who were also Christ followers what it was was that they do for their devotions. I needed to fill that hole left behind with a spiritual practice. I was already reading my Bible and praying but something else needed to be added.
My spiritual mentor told me about how she wakes early every day and listens for God. We spend so much of our Christian walk talking to/at God and hardly any time listening intently. So, I woke up at 5 am, told the LORD what I was up to and waited. What happened was almost indescribable. I guess the easiest way to say it is that I have a renewed sense of His constant presence. Most of that first session and some of those after (I have in fact been up at 5 every morning for this ever since) I'm pretty sure was the Holy Spirit rifling through my sub conscious going, "Don't need this...don't need this...this shouldn't have ever been here in the first place...I know I didn't put this here so out it goes..." And life has been so different. Peace. Joy. I was so the opposite of depressed that I put my therapy sessions on hold indefinitely. I'm react so much more readily with care and compassion. And the best part is I know that it's not because of me. When I studied Zen, Paganism, Kabbalah back in my wild youth it was all about my performance which led to pride and ego inflation and looking down at those "less spiritual" than I. This? He is doing the heavy lifting, making the changes, and causing the things within me to become more and more like His Son, Jesus Christ. I couldn't force this change if I tried.
Now, that is all setup for what I wanted to say in this entry: He is in the silences waiting for you.
We spend so much time watching movies, playing video games, filling our lives with entertainment, noise and distractions; so much so that we almost have to yell at each other just to be heard. And yes, from time to time God will "yell" at us. We get in the car turn on the radio, we have our eyes pulled away from the road and each other by notifications on our phone and we want to send the kids to this or that and then we've got to do drive thru on the way home and we are so wound up or are done with the kids that we put them in front of the TV while they eat and then we can't wait to get them to bed so we can have time with our spouse to watch that one show which we then binge too late into the night and we sleep 6 hours and then hit the snooze button too many times and then have to scramble to get the kids to school and ourselves to work, and then when we get done with work we get in the car, we turn on the radio...and then wonder "Why don't I hear anything from God in my life?? Why is He silent?!?!" (and just so we're clear...this was me, not me judging someone else)
What I have found is that the Lord is a lion lurking in the silences. He is a still small voice waiting to pounce and in modern society we give Him less and less opportunity. We have to make the opportunity. You have to carve out time with a machete if you want to hear Him, hack away at the idols in our own lives, and one of the hardest idols to slash is our self.
I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to wake up faithfully every day at 5 and if He hadn't actually led me there during a period of transition I don't know that I would have done it at all. I would be on the same vicious cycle of distracting myself and wondering if He was even listening at all when it was me who didn't care to listen.
The World will make the most of any opportunity to push back, to drop a crisis in our lap, to distract us with a phone notification, pull us into being emotionally explosive about some political thing done by people who don't even know or care that you actually exist but you care so greatly about though you have no effect, because if you have even 10 minutes of silence, 10 minutes to breathe, the Lord will pounce. I do not doubt that this is the reality one bit. (again...because this was me)
When we look at the Biblical vision of Sabbath it is with the intention of God's people having rest, quiet, peace. That is where I truly believe God really operates on people.
When do most major changes in people's lives happen? When a heart attack or something major malady puts them in the hospital and all they have is time to look, breathe, think, and reassess...or watch daytime TV which ultimately gets people to turn that off as well. He is there, lurking in the rest and in the silence, waiting for the opportunity to leap/pounce into the lives of His people.
The Bible is full of references to testing the Lord's promises, invitations to "taste and see", and that is one of the most life changing things you'll ever do...because when God basically says, "C'mon...I dare you..." (and believe me, that's what "taste and see" is...a Holy dare) He's always going to do exactly what He said He would do.
Pax,
W
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