Walking in the Spirit

Much in the same manner as a blog post on Idolatry that I am sitting on...I'm scared of posting this.  My writing this post is me admitting that I know something, I believe something, and yet I don't put it into practice.  I'd be a lot more nervous if I wasn't sure that I'm in pretty good company.  However, by admitting that I know this, by declaring the Truth to be true...I'm going to have to change some things.  Well, more accurately, I'm going have to change a lot of things...maybe even everything.

A month or two ago I had experience that shifted me into a different way of thinking.  I won't go into details here, but all of the sudden I felt invited to "Walk in the Spirit".  It's something that all believers are invited to do and encouraged to do in the scriptures.  I'm not unique in that at all, but one of my things is that I tend to overthink, over-analyze, and not just walk or take action.  I'm guilty of over-intellectualizing everything, including my relationship with Jesus.  I don't claim to have some new revelation.  Always be suspicious of those who do claim that.  My claim, instead, is that I think I understand what has been obvious and in front of me this whole time.

What does it mean to "Walk in the Spirit"?

When the Scriptures talk about walking in the Spirit, just about every time it means a denial of the flesh or the denial of physical reality.  Galatians 5:16 says that if we walk by the spirit we will not carry out the desires of the flesh.  Why?  Because these two things are locked in opposition with each other.  Personally, I have noticed that every single time that I try to walk in the Spirit my flesh almost immediately rebels.  2 Corinthians 5:7 talks about walking by faith and not by sight.  The scriptures also use the phrase "abiding in Him" which is very close to "walking in the Spirit", I believe.

I have long said, in friendly company, that there are 2 competing realities.  The reality of the flesh is concerned with what we see, taste, hear, smell, etc.  It is what non-believers and many fellow believers refer to as "reality".  To my mind that reality only makes up 1% of a far greater reality that is God's reality, reality as the LORD himself sees it.  HIS reality is the full 100%, the actual reality.

God's reality is a very peculiar reality to those of us who live, breathe, swim, mate, and exist primarily in the 1%.  His reality is a place where the first shall be last and the last shall be first, where peace conquers violence, where lions lay down with lambs, where the biggest, most popular Church is rarely the most successful, where enduring abuse and persecution even to death is a privilege, where Holy God makes a way to connect to sinful man by coming Himself in the flesh as a carpenter's son.  God's reality makes no sense to us if we are entrenched in the physical reality.  I've heard it called the "Upside Down Kingdom" because according to the World's standards it is completely flipped.

There are a million things in the Bible that we pay lip service to on a daily (maybe weekly) basis that our flesh resists in fact.  Miracles.  Gifts of the Spirit.  Resurrection of the dead.  Those are big ones that we conveniently brush aside saying "that was for then" instead of a more obvious though painful answer.  We struggle with even the simple, basic ones;  Jesus' sacrifice was enough, God is good all the time no matter what, God wants what is best for me...  I even have a hard time accepting that God likes me and wants to fellowship with me.

To walk in the Spirit is to walk (to live your life) radically believing that what God says is actually so.  It is to move beyond the "Yeah, but..." and into only what He has already told us is real.  "Why do you worry about what to eat...what to wear..."  It is to agree with God what this life is and how it works.

I once heard someone tell me, "Everything is political".  On the contrary, "Everything is spiritual".

We live in this delusion that what matters is what I can see, touch, feel (both emotionally and physically).  What truly matters is what God says IS, how HE says things actually works and these things are often in direct conflict, hostile conflict on some points, with the way the Flesh works.  As Christians we can't do things the way the World does them.  James 4:4 comes straight out and calls us adulterers because, "Friendship with the World is emnity with God."  When we find ourselves bound up and tied to the things of the World, when we do things the way the World does rather than the way Jesus says then we are choosing whom we are serving.

Now, naturally, the rational mind rebels and says, "Oh, so, what then?  Are you advocating locking ourselves away on some mountain top in a convent?" No.  Actually in many places the Bible says that's exactly what we are not to do.  We are meant to be spiritual creatures in this physical world bringing the light of Jesus.  Can we deny, however, that we are being "conformed to the patterns of this world" more than conformed to the likeness of Jesus Christ?  When we (at large) equivocate on parts of the Bible that others find offensive, when we sell our principles down the river for some sort of gain and salve it with "well, Jesus will forgive me and I'll pick right back up with him again", when we hold up political figures in such high regard that we get more excited about them than we ever have about Jesus, when the Church sees success as church held in a stadium, money flowing in, and franchising, when we spend more time in our "fandoms" than reading that which would edify us most, when we want to affect change in the world and yet don't even know our neighbor's first name or let alone how we can pray for them...  And I'm just talking about me in all that.

Walking in the Spirit means seeing everything the way God does, through an eternal perspective.  It means not just believing what is already there in our Bibles, but accepting and moving in that.  Who are we if we don't actually believe how God says things actually are and actually work?  Pretenders, at best, playing at make-believe.

How much would my life change if I actually walked in that perspective?  The eternal nature of my children...the fact that they are literally a gift from God...that they aren't here to test my patience and tolerance...that God specifically made them, fashioned them in specific ways, and specifically chose to give them to my wife and I...that I am charged with their protection and loving development by a great and mighty God who has a plan for them...That He trusts me with all that?

How much would your life change if you held in your mind the fact that you were specifically placed in this time, in this space, in the lives of specific people, including that one person you find annoying to be around...that those people are people that God deeply loves and wants to love through you...that each of them are a soul that is going to end up one place or the other...that they all, especially the annoying one, are struggling on a constant basis, are battling something and your prayers for them could change everything if you actually had a prayer time...that, just like your children, they were uniquely made by God?

See, I don't want to think that way either.  My spirit does, but my flesh just wants to get done with my day with minimum contact, minimum engagement so I can finish my day without having been disturbed, without having been rejected, without having been emotionally bothered or vulnerable so I can play my video games and watch The Office with my wife and go to bed.  I'll have gained nothing and risked nothing.  Status quo really works for me.

If we are honest, however, that isn't what any part of the Bible calls us to.  In fact it calls us to exactly the opposite.  Jesus Christ has spoken into our lives.  Yes, Jesus has to do the work in us we can't do it ourselves.  It's all Him....up to a point.  And that point is called obedience.  As we know Jesus healed a lot of people during His time on earth, but I'm always interested in those times where there was an obedience component.  He healed a lame man and commanded him to take up his mat and walk.  Sure, Jesus could have healed him and the man could have just laid there...like me...healed but not accepting the reality of what just happened.  The taking up the mat and walking is literally walking in the reality of what Jesus has done.  The obedience is crucial and it is our choice.

For the past week or so I've been trying to Walk in the Spirit, to see everything from that spiritual perspective.  If you've ever seen a video of a newborn horse or deer wobbling around trying to walk, falling down, visibly panting from the effort of trying even once...yeah, I'm much worse than that.  Normally I would beat myself up for failing as often as I am, but the Lord keeps reminding me that I've been doing things in the Flesh and after the Flesh for about 39 years.  It's almost all I know.  I'm going to fall, I'm going to fail, I'm going to end up crumpled on the floor panting like a marathon runner even though I only just tried to spend 10 minutes praying.  I know Jesus is right there with some Gatorade and encouragement, like He always is.  It's up to me to accept it, naturally, but it's worth it.

Pax,

W

My Struggle (On Political Rebellion)

Today I posted something on Facebook to help me deal with the part of scripture that I struggle with the most, Romans 13:1-7.

There are a LOT of scriptures that are difficult for me; things that call me towards Christ likeness yet cause my flesh to throw temper tantrums.  There are things that I recognize as true about the world that I don't want to be true.  And then there's Romans 13:1-7.

Deep in my heart there is a wall I've drawn around my principles and values.  Many of them are immovable as a result.  I will not budge on X, Y, or Z because I know these things to be true and if I violate them then I violate my soul.  There's a traitor in their midst.  I recognize the sovereignty of God and His scripture, his very words to us.  And so I have troubles.

Here it is:
Romans 13:1-5

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.  The authorities that exist have been established by God.  Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgement on themselves.  For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong.  Do you want to be free from the fear of the one in authority?  Then do what is right and you will be commended.  For the one in authority is God's servant for your good.  But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason.  They are God's servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.  Therefore it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

(6 and 7 are on taxes and what is owed people)

What does this mean to those under a cruel and oppressive government?  At what point are we, as Christians, allowed or permitted to rebel...violently?

The more I read of the Bible, the more I think that the Amish and Quakers may have the right of it.  In the face of abuse, intolerance, oppression, war, you do the good works that God has told you to do.  You do not respond with rebellion.  You give honor, respect, and anything asked of you even to a tyrant.

It grates against me.  I don't like it.  Even now as I write this there is rebellion in my heart to the concept.  It hurts, but I know that feeling for what it is.  It's a dark root that I have yet to pull out.

Look, I'm not telling you what to believe.  I don't necessarily have any answers.  I just coined on Facebook a saying I'm sure to repeat til my dying day.  "I don't have answers unless it's to questions regarding the random trivia in my head.  Other than that I have questions.  Lots of questions."  I would love for someone to come along and tell me why I'm wrong on this.

As I look at the scriptures, however, I don't see a single place (yet) that endorses rebellion against any form of government, tyrannical or not.  I think of the Old Testament where the Children of Israel are in bondage to Egypt.  I'm sure there were bloody uprisings every now and then because...well...they were humans.  Was a bloody uprising what freed them?  No.  It was in God's timing and God's way.  We've got the Medes, the Persians, the Babylonians who all come and dominate Israel.  God even has a prophet who tells the people, "Just accept it!  This is God's judgement!".  Were their bloody uprisings?  I'm sure there were..because...humans.  But, again, was that that what freed them?  Never.  It was in God's timing and God's way.

My mind naturally turns next to the Revolutionary War and, given Romans 13:1-7, were the revolutionaries right in overthrowing the British empire?  By God's standard, available for all to read, was it right?  The British King was in authority and they rebelled against that authority.  They rebelled against the authority God had established, because God establishes all authorities.  And I recognize that I'm taking the tack of many Loyalists at the time who felt that it was exactly that.  I value our American heritage and history more than most people realize.  Franklin, Jefferson, Washington, Henry, Hancock, Adams, so many of them are basically protestant versions of saints in my head, but I have to question this.  Are we better off?  Sure.  However, were we right biblically?

Jesus never preached rebellion and the Romans were significant oppressors at the time.  Within 20 years after his death, if I remember correctly, they destroyed the temple.  Constantly we are told to just do good, help the weak, the poor, the stranger, and the widow but never called to take up the sword.  Turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile, give a man who demands your cloak your outer garment as well, do as the Samaritan; all of these are references to doing good to an oppressor.  We are called to pray for and bless those in authority.  The Bible instructs us, if we are slaves, to not try to escape but work all the more diligently for our master as we would the Lord himself.

I'm conflicted and need opinions on this, especially those which are grounded in scripture.  It's easy to get off on "Well, surely God doesn't expect us to submit to THIS" and not deal with the call to submission itself.

I'm teachable.  I'm willing to hear even that which disagrees with me, in fact I welcome it.

Pax,

W

Roman Coinage (bit of a tid)

While catching up on my TableTalk devotional reading I came across this in reference to Mark 12:13-17.  It's the famous tax paying confrontation.

"A second bit of irony is seen in the pharisees' and Herodians' giving Jesus a denarius when He asked for one.  First-century Jews, for the most part, did not embrace Roman rule enthusiastically.  In fact, many considered the payment of Roman taxes to be a form of idolatry, particularly since the Roman Coinage in which taxes were paid featured the image of the Emperor and his title, which gave him the status of deity.  The Pharisees and Herodians knew that if Jesus were to openly teach people to pay this tax, the Jewish citizens would be upset and would even stop listening to Him.  But note that Jesus did not have the detested Roman coin on His person; His opponents, Jewish leaders who were supposed to be adamantly against idolatry, did.  If paying the Roman taxes was inherently idolatrous, the Jewish authorities were complicit, not Jesus."

Galatians 4:9

This morning I sat down with my cup of coffee hoping to make some headway in my devotions.  It's pretty much been a week since I last did so.  I had every intention of cramming in all of the verses and "TableTalk" articles I had missed...that is until the Lord started working on me with a single verse.

"But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?"
Galatians 4:9

In its perfect context this is a part of Paul's defense against "the Circumcision" that had spread about.  The members of "the Circumcision" spread about the idea that Christians were still subject to Jewish law, specifically that they needed to circumcised.  Paul's letters often have some defense against this idea.  You can almost hear the indignation in his writing voice as he calls it quackery.  Grown men having to get circumcised would certainly keep people away from the faith never mind the fact that Jesus was the atoning sacrifice that paid for the Law for all time.

The way it hit me this morning, not having been pushed to eschew bacon nor put my faith in the Law, was in relations to my life with the world.

For the past few years, and most intensely within the past few months, I've been feeling a massive drawing towards Christ and towards rejecting the world; to IN the world but not OF the world.  It's kind of difficult to explain and I'll probably get all rambley with it.  I'd feel guilty but it is after all my blog, and you can check out any time.

About a year ago I had a feeling that things are going to get bad for Christians in the United States.  I'm not talking "You have to make this cake whether you like it or not" kind of bad.  I'm talking the way Christians are treated in other countries bad.  Second or third class citizens bad.  The government monitoring our public pulpits bad.  I sincerely felt there was going to be a separation that would naturally occur between those who are culturally Christian (those who see Christianity as a good idea, good psychology and a social gospel) and those who have been absolutely changed by Jesus and will stand on His word and in His strength even in the face of injury or death.

Am I prophet?  Nope.  Not my gifting, though, in accordance with Paul's advice, I eagerly desire that.  Instead I just look at the signs.  I see the country shifting.  When the Right on the political spectrum is as left as the Left was in the 90s...something's not quite right.  When we've replaced the concept of Absolute Truth with the concept of Absolute Relativism, to the point that chromosomes and DNA can scream that you are one gender while you feel another and feeling trumps reality, then the culture has built on not just sand, but quicksand.  When societies fall apart they look for people to blame.  When societies fall apart few ever blame their own actions or the actions of their own party.  It doesn't take much to see that we are headed not for a glorious resurgence of the Enlightenment, but for the darkness eerily akin to the Dark Ages.  We have replaced knowing with feeling.  Logic is the slave of whim.  Critical thinking has had sand kicked in its face, been pushed down, bloodied, and its lunch money taken by the will of the mob.  The above is just the things going on in the World apart from the spiritual aspect which is far more grim.  So many people craving tickled ears rather than submitting to God and the truth of the scriptures...So many prominent pastors twisting the gospel to line their pockets...So many craving to be led astray by an "I'm OK, You're OK, And God's OK with everything and everyone no matter what" kind of gospel.  Yes, God is sovereign...but God is also just...and both of those things should be a wake up call, and prompt respectful fear because from my observations of scripture (imperfect as I know they are) God cleans house with his own people first and then judges a nation.

So, what does all this have to do with Galatians 4:9?

Because, to borrow a common phrase, the struggle is real.  The struggle is throughout all of the Old and New Testaments.  "Like a dog returns to its vomit" is one of my favorites.  We are encouraged to not be formed after the patterns of this World but be transformed by the renewing of our minds in Jesus.  Although we are saved, although we are made into a new creation, although we are no longer slaves to sin...we are just like the Israelites in the desert...we want to go back to Egypt, we want to fashion God into something more like we saw in Egypt, we want, we crave, we desire the "weak and worthless elementary principles of this world".

On my medicine cabinet mirror I have taped two slips of paper because of this.  The first one reads "Do what is the most healthy thing at any given moment" which is SO much harder a concept than I believed when I put it up there.  The second says, "Agree daily with what the LORD says, thinks, and feels about you in Jesus."

Why?  Because the opposite of both of those things are deep deep patterns of the World; weak and worthless elementary principles.

(We are) I am so conditioned by this world into doing what feels good and makes me happy rather than doing what is best for me.  Why is it so hard to do the things that are healthy for us?  If I have the choice of playing Fallout 4 over reading some R. C. Sproul or C. S. Lewis or listen to a sermon online...chances are I've got that controller in my hand without a thought.  Why do my devotions take nearly a week to get back to?  Because I want what I want....and I've got a broken wanter.  The calibration is set to the World's standards, not the Lord's.  I want to escape to my bedroom with my cell phone so I can play games rather than go do adulting.  If it was only some days I can understand.  We need a rest, we need an escape, but my desire is every minute of the day...that's not what is healthy or best for me at all.  If you give me a choice between Peanut Butter Cups and a salad, why is it that I will take the Peanut Butter Cups every dang time?  Because I apply the weak and worthless elementary principles of the World rather than seeking or even considering the ways and paths of the Lord.

Equally messed up is how I let the World determine what I think about feel about myself.

I'm not one of those people who looks at Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest to figure out what my life should look like and get stressed out if it doesn't match or exceed.  I don't use others as a benchmark for how I should feel about myself.  No.  My real enemy is myself.  I have no standard.  One would think that this means I'm all good, I am relaxed about who I am and what I have done.  The surprising thing with not having a standard is that it is a kind of hell.  Having a standard can be just as hellish because there will always be someone else to measure up to, the goal posts keep moving.  Having no standard means you have no goal posts at all, no lines of demarcation on the field, and you have no idea how you should feel about who you are or anything you have ever done.

I once was at a retreat where they had an open mic moment and I stood up to speak for maybe 30 seconds about my struggles with my faith.  People came up to me all that weekend and said how what I said really touched them and made them think and sparked table conversations.  I should have been thrilled, I should have given the glory to God, I should have been happy.  Instead I felt awkward.  I had a friend of mine talk me through how to respond because the feeling got so bad.  (I ended up with "I'm glad you got blessed"...which I still use oddly enough).  Why?  Why no feeling other than awkwardness?  Because I believe I'm just an average guy, bargain basement human, so what I think and feel must be the same as what other people do.  Granted, I keep getting proven wrong.  I feel like an average tool the Lord sometimes uses.  I feel like I'm just another pot on the potter's wheel.  I don't deserve any recognition.  I have honestly felt like I'm a tool that God will use, sure, but it's when other tools aren't available.  He's got his favorites and I'm not one of them.  God's word is replete with exactly the opposite to tell me.  If I were to rest in that, rest in those promises, renew my mind with that reality...HIS reality...how much would that alter my existence?

There are so many instances where the world tells us things are one way and God directly contradicts that.  God, being the creator of all things including physics, reality, and mysteries deeply beyond even quantum theory, knows best.  I am all to comfortable applying the "weak and worthless elementary principles of the world" to my life.  Jesus has to change that in me and daily I'm telling him, "YOU choose for me because you know best, you are all powerful, you have a path for me from before I was even born."  I keep admitting, "You are the potter, I am the clay...the clay doesn't get a say in it" and trust that he will make me into something beautiful, special, and according to His purposes.

Fortunately the LORD is never content to leave us as we are.

Pax,

W

Court of the Gentiles

This morning I was doing my daily devotional reading which I supplement with a devotional magazine called "Tabletalk".  Today's reading was from Mark 11, the part where Jesus "cleanses the temple".  The article provided some historical context that wholly blew my mind.

"In the first century the Jerusalem temple did have a court of the Gentiles that measured some thirty-five acres where non-Jews could come and pray to Yaweh, the God of Israel.  However, the Gentiles were not really welcome there.  The popular Jewish mind-set hoped that the Messiah would cleanse the temple of all Gentiles.  Moreover, when the Gentiles came to the court of the Gentiles in first-century Jerusalem, there was no welcome awaiting them.  Instead, the court was filled with merchants who sold animals for worshipers to bring as sacrifices and money changers who exchanged Roman coins for Shekels that had no image of the emperor on them and thus were fit for payment of the temple tax.  That is the scene described in today's passage.  Josephus...reports that 255,600 lambs were sacrificed during the Passover, which gives us a good idea of the scale of the merchant's operation in the temple."

All of my life I've wondered about this passage of scripture.  I mean, there had to be somewhere for people to purchase sacrifices or change money.  So what was Jesus so pissed about?  Ok, sure they could take it outside the temple.  But, how practical is that?  With this historical context all of the sudden Jesus' actions make sense.  They are excluding people, preventing a whole group of people from worship and prayer.  You can see the mindset.

"Well...we have 35 acres of unused space, oh sure it's for the gentiles but we really don't want them there.  I mean we won't prevent them, but that doesn't mean we have to make it hospitable for them.  And we might get a little bit of a kick back from the business."

With prejudice clouding the eternal perspective people do all sorts of horribly misguided and terrible things.

Jesus was apparently full of righteous zeal not because business was being done, or profits being made.  A people God welcomed were reviled and prevented from worshiping Him so that business could be done and profits made.

I've been guilty of thinking of this verse every time I see a church with a coffeshop and bookstore in it where people can buy the pastor's latest book and a pumpkin spiced latte.  (oooh....it's almost PSL season, isn't it?)  It is a horrible misapplication of the scripture.  It isn't keeping people out...A coffeeshop actually is quite welcoming to those who don't do mornings and need that bagel and double shot in a cup of coffee (Aka a RedEye or Zombie).  Granted they'll throw me for a loop every time, but I won't be speaking out against them anymore.

Interesting that we call this passage "The Cleansing of the Temple" when the Jews would have thought a good cleansing would be whipping and throwing the Gentiles out; quite the opposite of what Jesus did.

Pax

W

The God of...

This morning I was studying Romans 15 when it struck me that our God is more than a little different than most.  I know, I know.  Anyone with a Sunday School level understanding of the Bible can see that our God is certainly "unorthodox" as far as deities go.  I mean talking donkeys, whales, or "Big Fish", barfing up prophets, the King of the universe born to a virgin, in a stable with no one but shepherds to witness the event.  It isn't just in the big things, though.

In Romans 15 Paul talks about how the strong need to accept the weak and the weak need to accept the strong.  He mentions in three different places "the God of".  In verse 5 "May the God of endurance and encouragement..."  Verse 13 he says "May the God of hope fill you..." In verse 33 "May the God of peace..."

It struck me as odd that Paul uses that phrasing because it calls to my mind the Greek and Roman dieties.  Zeus, the god of lightning.  Poseidon, the god of the sea.  Demeter, goddess of the harvest.  Aphrodite, the goddess of love.  These were mythical deities bound to one facet and one alone.  They had their domain and didn't stray far from it, whereas our God is multifaceted.  His is the air, the wind, the rain, the lightning, the sea, the cattle on the thousand hills...but He goes beyond the impersonal forces of nature.  He is the God of love, encouragement, peace, endurance, hope, etc.

The ancient Greeks and Romans could only ask for the blessing of their deities in their domain, in the things under their direct control and they might listen or they might not.  However, no one went to the temple of Zeus and said, "Make me like you."  That would be hubris and invite an inevitable divine smackdown, if you know your Greek literature.

Our God, however, is both very able and very willing to do just that.  He will not be fashioned into our image as a thing of wood or stone, but He will fashion us into His image.  One cannot be an active follower of the LORD and not take on His qualities.  More than anything He desires to shape us, to breathe into us His very attributes, to have us exercise His wisdom, His love, His peace.  He is not a God far removed from our daily lives as the mythical deities of old were perceived.

The Buddha tells his followers that, given a few lifetimes and a lot of right living, maybe in your own power you can achieve what he has achieved.  You can be like him...maybe...maybe not...don't screw it up.  It's all on you.

Mohammed tells his followers that if they do the right prayers, eat the right things, do the right things, manage to make it to Mecca, and dance around a stone then maybe, just maybe you might make it to heaven.  But maybe not.  Don't screw it up.

Jesus, on the other hand, says to come to Him and He, not you, will make you like Him.

In Christianity, it is not on us to make ourselves acceptable in the sight of the LORD.  That's on the LORD himself and what Jesus did on the cross.  It is so freeing, so mind boggling, so revolutionary in all of the religious systems of the world that God would say, "No, you can't do this yourself.  Let ME do it.  You just come to Me and I'll make you acceptable. I WILL make sure you get into heaven."

It reminds me just why He is also called, the God of our Salvation.

Pax,

P

Inclusion, Acceptance, Affirmation

I woke up the other day and turned on Facebook (Yes...I am back.  But I'm healthier about it.  Much healthier).  I was greeted with a graphic from a church I had attended once for a concert that lead to me "liking" their page.  The old me would have gotten outraged by it and then shared it with all of my Facebook acquaintances in the spirit of "Would you look at this BS!!!".  The new Post FaceBreak me instead sat and considered the content.  Exercising my "reflection" rather that "reflex" mental muscle has been one of the benefits of the FaceBreak.  It keeps my blood pressure down and keeps me from making emotional statements I would certainly later regret.  

The text of the post is as follows:

THE BIBLE IS CLEAR: Moabites are bad.  They were not to be allowed to dwell among God's people.  Deuteronomy 23

BUT THEN: comes the story or Ruth the Moabitess, which then challenges the prejudice against Moabites.

THE BIBLE IS CLEAR: People from Uz are evil. Jeremiah 25

BUT THEN: comes the story of Job, a man from Uz who was "the most blameless man on earth".

THE BIBLE IS CLEAR: No foreigners or eunuchs allowed.  Deuteronomy 23

BUT THEN:  comes the story of the African eunuch welcomed into the church. Acts 8.

THE BIBLE IS CLEAR:  God's people HATED Samaritans.

BUT THEN:  Jesus tells a story that shows not all Samaritans are bad.

THE STORY MAY BEGIN with prejudice, discrimination, and animosity, but the Spirit of God moves people toward openness, welcome, inclusion, and affirmation.

Now...if the source of this was about how we need to not judge everyone by the same brush because there ARE some good bikers out there, there ARE people with piercings, tattoos, and funky colored hair, that there ARE hipsters who are actually good people then I would be completely on board.  However, this came from a denomination where they are debating whether or not to be inclusive of Homosexuals and Transgenders.  Their balance of opinion is slanting toward full inclusion.  

Quick thinking people who have studied there scriptures and/or have some experience in philosophy or rhetoric can see, in the current context, the inherent issue with the above statement from the graphic.  

Firstly, there is a bit of manipulative information going on here.  Time to get all Berean on it.  

In Jeremiah 25 it does not actually say that people from Uz are evil.  The Lord has Jeremiah take "the wine cup of fury" from His hand.  This indicates (with surrounding context) that the Lord is going to send "the sword" among these people an destroy them.  Uz is on the list....Edom...Moab...Ashkelon...  Oh!  Look who is at the top of the list.  Verse 18 "Jerusalem and the cities of Judah, it's kings and its princes, to make them a desolation, an astonishment, a hissing, and a curse..."  So, by their logic, Uz is evil and should be rejected by the people as well as...the majority...of...everyone...in...Israel...?  But why let ill fitting facts get in the way of a good emotional appeal?

(It's amazing what happens when we actually look up the verses.  Seriously, these days I have been taking the addition of Bible references in a piece of writint as a dare.)

Also I find it very interesting that they chose Jesus' story about Samaritans as opposed to His actual interaction with the Samaritan woman.  If I were being suspicious about their motives I would say that it could be due to the fact that the Samaritan woman says, "We might be wrong about our whole reason for being separate.  Are we wrong?  How should we change?" That kind of makes the whole inclusion at all costs argument fall apart.

Yes, the rest are all examples of people from prohibited people groups, and those people groups (with the exception of of the general "foreigners and eunuchs") had a really bad reputation.  Some of them were a terrible blood thirsty people.  They worshiped idols, did not at all follow the commands of God and in many cases did the exact opposite of the Law.  

Because God accepted these individuals then that means all of their people group are OK with God?  Far from it.  

It is not as though Ruth the Moabitess comes along and continues her Baal worship but isn't a horrible person so the Jews accept her, and Boaz kind of finds it hot and marries her.  

It is not as though Job went around handing his children to be burned by Molech, but God was cool with that.  

Ruth was the daughter-in-law of Naomi who was a Jew.  With her husband gone and given the option to go back to her people or go with Naomi she chose to go among a people she didn't know.  Ruth declares, "Your people will be my people and your God my God."  She was accepted because she had a heart change, a life change, and a God change.  She aligned herself with Yahweh, worshiped Him, and followed His commandments seeking to live by His law.  Ruth changed everything about her life to follow after God.

Job...well, we've established that Uz was on the Naughty List with just as much intensity as as Jerusalem, the Holy City.  Even then, he was blessed because he was A man of righteousness.  Uz was not made righteous and therefore completely acceptable before God because of one man.  Job wasn't a righteous man because he was righteous in his own eyes.  No.  He followed God's law and was righteous in God's eyes, by God's standards.

Interestingly, if we are doing a roll call of righteous people loved by God in cursed places and peoples then why not bring up Sodom and Gomorrah.  And no, I am not even bringing up their special brand of unrighteousness as part of this argument.  Lot was considered righteous and God destroyed everyone else in Sodom and Gomorrah.  He didn't include them or affirm them because of Lot.

Yes, the Gospel is a gospel of inclusion, acceptance, and affirmation...but by God through Jesus.  A lot of times we wish that it meant that God is A-OK with our sins and we can just believe in Jesus and "I'm okay, You're okay".  

All that this graphic really proves is exactly the opposite of it's intent.  God didn't just become OK with Baal worship because Ruth the Moabitess showed up.  God became "OK" with Ruth because she rejected her past and came to Him honestly, openly, and fervently change her life.  She abandoned her sin and followed God.  It is not about the inclusion, acceptance, or affirmation of a whole group, but rather the individual who rejects their sin and accepts God.  They change.  

If you want an example of God accepting a whole group let's go to Jonah.  The people of Nineveh were a nasty people and so Jonah was sent by God to proclaim that His judgement was buffering (loading...please wait).  Every single one of them repented and changed their ways and so God did not destroy them.  Now, if a sinner comes, repents of their sin, and walks in the way of Jesus and we stand there with our arms crossed and reject them...then we are guilty of Jonah's sin.  But that change, that repentance is the pre-requisite.

To suggest that we as people of God can be inclusive, accepting, and affirming of people who refuse to see sin as sin is ridiculous.  Many people in this day and age tend to say not, "Come as you are, and let Jesus change you into what He wants you to be" but rather, "Come as you are and feel comfortable enough to stay as you are."  

We Protestants get all tied up by our deeply held belief in Justification by Faith which, don't get me wrong, is a good and just belief.  However, in this day and age many of the adherents have slipped down the theological slip-and-slide to saying that we can come to Jesus and because we've come to Him we can remain in whatever sin we desire because He justifies us.  

I was reading R. C. Sproul's little book "Can I Know God's Will" just this morning and he states, "We seek refuge in our precious doctrine of justification by faith alone, forgetting that the very doctrine is to be a catalyst for the pursuit of righteousness and obedience to the preceptive will of God".  

When we come to Jesus we are to still pursue righteousness and obedience.  Justification by Faith is all about reassuring us that when we fall we haven't failed. The idea is that we are running the race, pursuing the precepts of God's law in the first place, not wallowing in the mud.  If we stumble over the hurdle it doesn't mean we lose the race.  However we need to be running the race at all just the way each of the above "examples of people God's OK with despite their people group being horrible".

THE STORY MAY BEGIN with God's rejection but it can end with God's redemption.

Pax,

W

Full Belly, Lazy Heart

I have been in a funk lately, all full of discontent and disquiet.  Nothing has been making me happy and most of my mental moments have been self-centered whining and complaining.  I am sure I'm not the only one who encounters this, my relentless mental criticism of everyday things for a season.  I was quite suddenly aware that God didn't seem to be very close or making anything better in my life.

Last night was a particularly difficult struggle.  I slept for fifteen minutes and woke up fully aware and ready to go as if I'd slept eight hours.  For the next three hours I was tossing and turning, praying and complaining to God, wondering why He wasn't apparently available to ease my struggles.  No matter how much I kept telling myself the truth of the situations I was pissy about, no matter how many scriptures I brought to mind, no matter how much I begged and pleaded for Him to make everything better again, nothing worked.  I was in chaos, weakly fending off the volley of lies from the enemy.  Briefly I had the thought when things were at their worst that I should catch up on all the devotions i had been neglecting all week because of our family vacation.  Grumpily, and in Eeyore's unmistakable voice, I brushed the thought aside saying, "Well...if prayer isn't going to work I don't see why reading the Bible will change anything..."

This morning I woke up in very much the same mood.  Everything felt wrong.  I was without joy.  It didn't take much for mine Kinder to grate on what was apparently my last nerve like they had every day for the last week.  There was a huge list of things to do just to keep the apartment in a status that didn't invite vermin or disease.  Why was I bothering anyway?  Nobody appreciates it.  If I happened to disappear the kids would only notice because a snack or meal was late, and my wife would likely only notice because she didn't come home to "Guess what your (insert child) did today?  We've got to do something about him/her".  When was the last time I was happy?  When was the last time I felt appreciated?  And LORD why aren't you doing something about it?!?!

I sucked it up, manned up, bit the bullet, fed and washed the kids, loaded them up into the car, dropped the boy off at pre-school and begrudgingly agreed to take my daughter to our favorite cafe to do home school.  I didn't want to.  I couldn't think of a single reason why I should "reward" her with that.  Apparently that's what my parenting had boiled down to lately...transaction based.

She got her Italian Cream soda, I got my Hazelnut latte, and we broke out the books.  To my chagrin I noticed that we were not two days behind, but three days instead.  She started her Language sections and I opened my Bible.

I am convinced that there is this moment of anticipation that occurs, perhaps experienced by the Lord or perhaps the angels, when you've had a bad time and you finally reach for that Bible.  You open the cover, flip through the pages, maybe begrudgingly, maybe out of duty.

Today it was John 6, a familiar passage that I was almost petulantly skimming over.  I mean, it's the Feeding of the Five Thousand.  I have read it a bajillion times, seen the cartoon, had a t-shirt.  I stopped and forced myself to remember that it is the word of God so maybe I should give it the respect of actually reading each sentence.  I was mildly amused that there is a bit of a hidden miracle after the feeding and after Jesus walking on water.  Verse 21 says "Then they willingly received Him into the boat, and immediately the boat was at the land where they were going."  Yeah.  Not enough to feed 5k people and walk on water, He teleports the boat.

I read through how the 5k follow him to Capernaum already wanting to make Him a king the day before.  They find Him and oddly ask Him when He came there.  His response rang like a gong in my soul, in my situation.

"Most assuredly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled."

I hurt.  I crumpled.  I repented.

So many times I want to believe I'm better and smarter than many of the people in the Bible.  I chuckle at Peter, shake my head at the Pharisees and yet each of them is a reflection of my own heart.  It is no less true of me and the 5k.

I want Him to be king because of the good stuff I'm going to get.  I am going to my stomach filled, my days full of lollipops and sunshine, and if I don't it is His fault.  I will go my own way, rate my sins on a scale so that I don't feel too guilty about the ones I enjoy, read his New Testament commands an decide whether I feel like it or not, do my devotions based on whether it's interesting or convenient and then act surprised when my mind is full of chaos and I can't seem to hear or feel the presence of the Lord.

In Nordic culture, in the time of Beowulf, the man who became king was the man who gave treasure away.  He was only beloved by his people so long as he kept giving them things.  If the gravy train ever stopped the people would find a new king.  I have to wonder if that is not an apt metaphor for how we in America tend to think of God.  It is clearly a trap I fall into.

Do I love the King or do I love the peace He gives me?  Do I love the King or do I love the joy?  Do I love the King or the fact that He answers my prayers?  Do I love the King because of what He has blessed me with or because of who He is?

Personally I would have to say that my reaction to adversity (Where's God?  Why hasn't He fixed this?) proclaims my oh so palsied heart.  With very many in my faith, I'm sure, I want to do whatever I have to in order to get the effect rather than falling in love with the cause.

As always, "I believe!  Lord, help my unbelief."

Pax,

W

Thomas, known as The Doubter...

Over the Easter holiday one of my greatest spiritual pet peeves came to the forefront.  Amidst all of the "He has risen"s and reflexive "He is risen indeed!"s, while Christians spoke of the joys of the resurrected life, and how wondrous the actual event must be, there was, as always, the maligning of a particular disciple of Jesus.

Thomas.  Thomas the doubter.  Doubting Thomas.

I mean, look at him over there, sulking in a corner, testy whenever anyone brings up the rumored resurrection.  Silly Thomas.  Puny in Faith Thomas.  What kind of disciple is he going to grow up to be if he can't even believe in the resurrection after the crucifixion.  If he'd just get that big brain out of the way he could experience so much joy.  Why was he one of the Twelve again if he wasn't going to believe in miraculous things?  I may not be a spiritual giant, but I'm sure no Doubting Thomas, amiright?

If you've spent some time with me over the course of this blog then you know that I have more than a little respect for Thomas the Apostle.  Though I am of a protestant bent, I claim him as my "patron saint".  Traditionally he is the patron saint of architects and an eastern country that we'll name in a bit.  He died on December 21st, in the year 72.

In my original version of this post I went down a list of the three times Thomas speaks up in the Gospel of John.  It was actually quite an academic approach...which is probably why I scrapped it.  I'm not much for the academic form and process.  I'm a story teller.  So lets skip the bits that set up my point that Thomas was the one guy in the room who was going to say what everyone was thinking.  You can find them.  Let's skip the bits that establish my point that of all the apostles he was probably the most intellectually honest.  You can do your own homework.  You're smart enough.  Let's skip that and get to the bit of the story that actually earned Thomas the title and made it an insult or at least a disparaging term among both Christians and non-Christians alike.

The week had been a big one so far.  From the triumphal entry, to the Last Supper, to the garden arrest, to the crucifixion, it was a lot to take in and process.  Imagine walking into Jerusalem, the Holy City where God met with the High Priest in the Holy Temple, with the crowds cheering for your teacher.  You couldn't help but get excited about what might be coming next.  The largest city in all of Israel, the capital, and you suddenly realize that your teacher and your fellow disciples apparently have the will of the people on your side.  Everyone is shouting for joy to God...well, everyone but the pharisees and saducees but you're not sure the last time you actually saw any of them do anything but scowl and murmur together trying to cook up some sort of trick question for your teacher.  The atmosphere would have been electric.  Anything could happen, even the overthrow of the pagan Roman occupiers.

Jesus routs the money changers and merchants from out of the temple.  Now the Roman's aren't the only ones who are going to get it in the new kingdom, so to is the corrupted Jewish system.  A full cleansing of Israel seems eminent.

The upper room is filled with candle light, Your teacher disrobes, grabs a towel and a basin, and begins to watch each of his student's feet.  It is a crazy juxtaposition, a upside down sense of duty and honor, so much so that it is not surprising that Peter initially refuses to allow it.  The master is above the servant, the teacher worthy of more honor above the student.  To Jesus it is the foundation of His Kingdom, He says, just how things are and work.  Later Jesus describes the inevitability of His death.  He has been on about his death for ages, but many of his students disregard it as crazy talk.  How can a King establish a Kingdom by dying?  It must be somewhere later down the road, or perhaps it's a symbolic death.  Kingdoms are upturned, and thrones usurped by a King's death, not established.

Then Judas is called out as a betrayer.  The teacher doesn't even act angry about the fact of his betrayal.  He even bids the man to go and do it rather than stop him.  But the meal continues.

In the garden is where the dream begins to die.  Heavily armed guards arrest the teacher, they take Him to where He is beaten and fraudulently accused of things He never did.  Fist shaped bruises blossom on His cheek, a white pair to teeth lay on the floor, their roots crimson against the dirt.  From there the teacher is taken from official to official, beaten by one, mocked by another, and that's when you begin to feel a creeping sense of dread.  First it was shock, now it has turned sour in your stomach.  The air is thick with it.  Days ago your ears shuddered at the sound of praises, more thunderously the people cry their curses.  The people are shouting for the innocent teacher's life to be sacrificed on the cross in the place of a murderous man.  It was a shock to hear that Peter denied the teacher, but now denial seems to be an option as your survival instinct kicks in, as the crowd turn uglier than you've ever seen it.  He is condemned to death.  In the minds of the people it is for insurrection and/or blasphemy.  It never fares much better for known associates of the condemned when it comes to insurrection, and you would be marked for life for blasphemy.

At the foot of the cross you hear the people mock Him.  They question why, if He is so holy and the Son of God, He doesn't just pull Himself off the cross.  You can't help but wonder that as well as you mourn what you are seeing.  You put all your proverbial chips on this number.  You saw miracles, healings, exorcisms, and now this?  Why wouldn't He be able to.  He dies, gives up His last breath.  The sky goes dark, a great earthquake hits and you thank God for the confusion as fear gives way to panic and you slip away.

They mourned for days, all together in one place.  Thomas wasn't immune to it.  The dream was over, whatever dream each disciple had in their hearts.  They were afraid, confused, and each of them questioning God I have no doubt.  They were being hunted by the Romans already, the rumor being that they wanted to make sure the Disciples didn't try and rob the grave.  The land was in a full blown panic over the teacher's death and the following signs.  The temple veil was torn as if by an invisible hand.  People walked out of their graves full of life again.  What did it all mean?  The temple veil was particularly troubling.  Rumors of all kinds flew.  Every hour someone brought them news.  In the morning was when the women returned to them telling them the tomb was empty, and there was an angel.  John and Peter took off like a shot to the tomb while the rest remained fretting and wondering what it could mean.  Was it the Romans?  The Temple Guard under the orders of the High Priest to cast shame and suspicion upon them?  John and Peter return with the same story.  The stone was rolled away, the cloths folded neatly.  One by one they begin to assume.  But not Thomas.

He wants it to be true, but no.  He wishes it could be true.  Jesus had raised the dead before, but...

"Thomas, come on, He said it Himself.  In three days He would rebuild,"

"I know what He said.  I was there.  He said the Temple."

"Then you know it's possible.  The body is a temple."

"There are a hundred things that are possible.  We don't know what happened.  The women didn't see, Peter and John didn't see what happened.  We don't know."

"Why won't you entertain it at least?"

"I do!  In my heart I want it to be true, but I can't say that it is true when I don't know it to be true."

"Come on, Thomas.  Just believe.  You're just sore because we saw Him and you didn't."

"No!" he chokes on his tears.  "I won't.  I won't believe until I touch the holes in his hands and put my hand in his side."

What picture do you have when you read the scene as Jesus appears in the room and invites Thomas to touch, and put his hand in the Lord's side?  Does Thomas just walk up dispassionately, objectively, and examines the wounds?  Does he ashamedly just ascent intellectually with a nod toward Jesus?

In my mind he is filled with holy fear as every possibility and impossibility coalesces into one reality for him.  His hear leaps into his throat as Jesus stands open armed welcoming his examination.  Jesus nods for him to go ahead and shaking Thomas makes the the rounds from hand, to hand, to His side.

A remarkable thing happens to Thomas.  Peter declared that Jesus was the Son of God.  Thomas, however, dropped to his knees and said, "My Lord and my God".  That's huge.  A Jewish man declared that Jesus was Lord and God...one and the same...the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob there before him.  It is easy to assume that he was "late to the party" with this realization, but there is no indication that anyone else had made that connection.

Further remarkable things happen to Thomas.  This "lesser disciple", as some treat him, went farther with the Gospel than any other.  This doubter took the largest leap of faith, leaving behind culture, language, civilization, and every point of familiarity to follow the spirit's leading to India where he established at least 15 churches and what would become "the Oriental Orthodox Church".  I can only imagine the shock it must have been for the English missionaries to come and find people who already knew the Gospel as a result of already being "Saint Thomas Christians".

In my mind Thomas was a man who was extremely honest about himself and what he believed.  I think his "doubt" was very much that of a grieving man who wanted to believe, but whose heart was broken.  He wasn't going to admit what he had not seen and experienced.  Perhaps it is a bit of pride in me, but I believe he and I would get along very well, kindred spirits cut from the same cloth, constantly assessing, reassessing, and questioning what we think we know in order to be sure we are grounded in the Truth.  There is no shame in that, not character flaw to be mocked.  Perhaps others are more blessed because they believe immediately.  Peter may have been the "Rock", but given how far Thomas went and what he achieved I'd say he was certainly "sure footed".

Pax,

P

Easter Morning

Good morning all!  Welcome to Resurrection Sunday!  The most unlikely/unbelievable/marvelous/shocking bit of the entire story.

As is tradition around here, I am sharing the single most appropriate song I have ever heard for the season.  It's by a little known Christian band called Raspberry Jam.  Given the title "Easter" it begins with a celebratory reading of an Easter poem, and then the chorus refrains "Easter is for me and my plank-eyed soul".

I am not sure I've ever had a lyric impact my life as much as that one.  Someday I might be able to explain the reason better than I could right now.

Enjoy.

End of Lent Reflections

Why do Lent?  Why fast from anything for any amount of time?  What does it mean?  What's the point?

In modern times fasting is fairly unique and extremely so as a form of worship.  Even after completing these 40 days of Lent I find myself still somewhat confused about what fasting is and why we do it. What I do know for sure is that in this modern world where the distance between desire and satisfaction is minuscule, doing without what you want for an extended period of time is almost a revolutionary act.

I haven't had any need to justify fasting to anyone by virtue of my stay-at-home-husband status.  Basically the only explanation needed was to my candy and dessert obsessed daughter.  I can imagine how it would be in public however.  People notice things and would certainly notice my rejecting sodas and sweets.  I have often wondered how I would react if questioned.  Mostly I see myself shrugging and declaring it a religious thing with some measure of resignation.  I wouldn't have a real answer.  Experience has taught me that in giving up what I desire, what has been an addiction, something that on some level has controlled me, brings me not closer to God so much as it gives me more of my self to turn over to his control.

One of the things I've discovered as a result of this process that happens to be entirely non spiritual is that sugar had been affecting my health.  Well, duh, the health conscious among my audience are probably saying.  I can practically hear the forehead slaps and semi patronizing good for you even now as this is in the first draft.

I have lived with pretty much daily acid reflux/indigestion, or whatever people call it, for years.  It was only through Lent that I realized it wasn't caused by coffee or spicy food but, instead, sugar.  At this realization I did a very small experimentation.  Processed sugar was right out.  Even in very small amounts it caused the acid.  Sugar in the raw at the same amount caused the same reaction but it took much, much longer to hit.  The only safe thing was honey.  Zero reaction.  This will bring quite the change for my life.  I'm fairly certain PepsiCo stock will fall, so if you are invested...brace yourself.

It is easy to look at things as having an inescapable hold on us.  I spent years thinking that giving up Facebook was too big; bigger even than when I quit smoking cold turkey.  So many people have told me how they just can't do it, that somehow my success is a super human anomaly.  It really isn't.  It feels that way, to be sure, but it doesn't take a super human will.

I've learned a few principles that are so fundamental to human existence that I feel embarrassingly late to the party.  Mainly I've learned that nothing has real power over me that I haven't willingly given that power to.  I can make decades of excuses about how helpless I am, and without Jesus I'm sure it is true.  I give away power with my choices.  This has rung true so completely in me that I'm actually looking forward to next year when I'm likely to give up digital media of all sorts for 40 days.

I know, right?  Nothing.  No Netflix.  No Playstation.  No movies.  No T.V. Shows.  Just me and a lot of time spent doing analog things.  Giving up Facebook earlier in the year has created so much peace within me...I'm kind of wondering how much more of that there is to be had.  How much do these distractions affect us?  Would I be better off that way?  It is only because of this Lent that it could be possible for me to even consider attempting.

Pax,

W

On Lent: Ungrateful on Good Friday

One of the amazing things about the Bible is that if you read it long enough, eventually you will see yourself.  It's not like the "Iliad" or the "Odyssey" where you will see great heroes you want to be like, a goal to aspire to.  No.  In the Bible you'll see yourself warts and all.

Maybe you recognize yourself in Peter's bull in a china closet sort of brash loyalty and good intentions.  Perhaps it is in Thomas' doubt.  For some, and I feel echoes of this in my soul as well, it is in the father's desperate cry for his child to be healed where he declares, "I believe!" and then follows it up with equally desperate honest with, "Help my unbelief".  I wish that I saw myself in Lazarus' sister Mary who happily sits at the master's feet.

Unfortunately I most clearly find myself in the parable of the ungrateful servant.  I reference it regularly in both real life and blog posts.  Man owes the king say $500,000.  He begs and pleads for forgiveness.  King wipes the debt clean.  Man sees a fellow servant who owes him $10 and he drags him to court to get him thrown into prison.  King takes the first man, condemns him for not being grateful and showing the same kind of forgiveness the king showed him to someone who owed way less, weeping, gnashing of teeth, etc ensues.  As a result, in my personal Lent reflections I've been focused on gratitude.

I'm not one of those people who was saved from a life of prostitution, drugs, etc.  I am an average joe who grew up in the church, fell away for a bit but nothing major, and came back.  I'm kind of a super minor prodigal son.  So many people are impressed by those testimonies of being saved from massive darkness, they praise God and rejoice that someone was once saved from so much.  I remember many times, hearing those testimonies and actually feeling somehow inadequate.  Of course, that comes from a basic misunderstanding of the situation.  If you asked those individuals with the Super Testimonies (tm) they'd be the first to tell you that they wish they had my testimony rather than walk through a personal hell.

I've mentioned it before, but the most massive revelation of the past year in my spiritual walk has been from Dr. Charles Stanley, who once said that God didn't send Jesus to save us from what we've done, the sins we've committed.  God sent Jesus to save us from what we are.

We'd like to believe that we need Jesus because we at one or many points in time committed this sin, that sin, and violated the laws of God.  Those sins are just the symptom, and a good physician never just treats the symptom.  At our core, because of Adam and Eve's transgression in the Garden, we were fundamentally altered.  That act made it so that we weren't just capable of sin, but we would inevitably sin.  It is in our heart, our nature, our spiritual DNA.  It doesn't excuse us, of course, but that is why we need God, need Jesus, need His Holy Spirit, because we are incapable.  To say that the sins we commit are the problem is like saying that someone riddled with cancer's problem is the dramatic weight loss, hair falling out, blood in the stool, and lack of appetite.  No.  It's the faulty cells inside the body that are replicating the DNA incorrectly.  If it was just our actions then we wouldn't need to be conformed to the image/mind of Jesus.  We'd just need to be conformed to His actions, and the Pharisees, as much crap as we tend to talk about them, were already doing that.  Their externals were white, the internals full of rotting flesh and dead men's bones.

That is where I find myself struggling most of the time.  It isn't my externals that need altering, although there are things that are beneficial to do and not do.  The issue is now and forever my internals...and that, without Jesus, is impossible to alter.  I say I struggle, but really it has lately been more surrender.  "I believe; Help my unbelief" resounds through my soul at the same frequent desperation as Brother Lawrence's "If You do not change me, how can I do otherwise?".

It is a hard fact that you can do nothing about it.  It is a hard fact that you can do nothing about it.

I was watching my kids the other day.  My daughter has been having a rough time of it lately.  She's at some sort of snotty "tween" stage that just grates on my nerves.  It's too early for her to be acting like I'm as much of an idiot as she thinks I am.  If any other adult tells her something it is like some enlightened revelation, but if I tell her she scoffs and does it her own way.  She isn't showing much respect for me or her mother and I refuse to let her treat us like that.

The thing that keeps grinding my gears is how ungrateful she is.  I mean, honestly, never mind that we gave her life, but there is the food, lodging, clothing, tv, computer, education, vacations, etc.  We give her so much and she snots me off?  Treats me like I'm an idiot when I show her how to do something?  Tell her how best to go about her life?  I mean, I'm only 38 and she's 9.  How much more life experience do I have?  Psht...

And that's when I heard some sort of deep, bass level, spiritual bell ding in my soul.  Jesus is so faithful at ringing that thing.  My perspective shifted.  I heard Him clear His throat and I saw my own inconsistency, my own lack of gratitude, my own insistence that God is an idiot (though I never phrase it that way when I'm about to do the thing), my own snottiness.

I felt guilty.  I felt condemnation.  I felt gutted by my own behavior.

Normally I would have wallowed in all of that, slipped into a spiritual depression (it's comfy there...), and been all "Woe is me", for a few days.  I stepped a toe in there and then felt something different than my usual penitent slump.  It was so weird.  I felt loved.  It was like He came up behind me, turned my face away from my actions and just hugged me, loved on me for a while.  I didn't have to feel horrible.  And the reason why is hard to explain, but I'll try through the medium of my parent child relationship.

My daughter we always be ungrateful on some level, because she can't know all that we have done for her.  She can't know how Papa has struggled to teach her, how much Papa has prayed, and cried, and changed himself to be better for her.  She can't know how much time and Papa has spent just doing the laundry, dishes, bathroom scrubbing, floor scrubbing, cooking, etc all for her.  There is no way for her to comprehend how much her Mama works and struggles to provide good things for her.  Even when she has her own children and does the same for them she will only have an inkling of an idea because we'll be 20 years ahead.

We are ungrateful and always be ungrateful on some level because of the magnitude of what Jesus has done for us, for what the Father has done for us, and what the Holy Spirit has done for us.  He has spent many thousands of years from the foundation of the Earth and untold years before the foundation of the Earth doing for us.  When I think of that I get the same feeling I imagine I would have scuba diving and a blue whale swam up next to me.  Fear.  Not a fear for my life, but that natural fear and respect for something so massive we barely register on it's scale.  It is just so huge.  We can't comprehend it now and I doubt we'll be able to comprehend it on the other side, not fully.

He deserves so much more gratitude, so much more praise, so much more of my life because of what He has done.  And every time I meditate on that I feel something like Him replying with a smile, "I know.  Hey, let's go for a walk."

From the Garden, to Enoch, to us...His desire hasn't much changed, has it?

Pax,

W

On Lent: Palm Sunday

It has been an interesting past few days here, going though Lent.  In many ways I feel like this is the week I've been waiting for, and not because Resurrection Sunday comes and I'll be able to have sugar.  On the contrary, in these final few days the personal spiritual revelations have started coming that I expected.  There is a certain maturity that comes in giving up something you hold dear, something that controls you or at least moves you.  One or two weeks without that thing is a fad or a lark.  The third week tests your resolve.  The fourth week tests your reasons, and if you get beyond that there really is quite something to be learned about yourself.

I'm starting to see the Sunday School haze fall away from my eyes more rapidly.  Like many I grew up attending Sunday School in the morning and then Children's Church after worship service.  Now, I respect the people who do such things and make those programs available.  I don't mean to criticize them, but things get lost in the translation.  Whether it was my wholly owned ignorance that is being exposed to the light of day or their desire to make good "behavioral lessons" out of common Bible tales I'm not certain.

For instance, it just occurred to me today that Luke, the doctor and gospel writer, wasn't one of the 12 Disciples.  For that matter fellow gospel writer Mark wasn't either.  Luke was likely Greek, never met the Lord in person and began as a pupil of Paul.  Odds are he was a gentile.  Mark, it is believed, was one of the outer disciples and tradition holds that he was one who departed when Jesus declared that in order to follow Him one had to drink of his blood and eat of his flesh.  Superficial, some of the most learned among my readership might suppose, but it alters how one sees the things in front of him.  The words and impact of their gospels are still the same, there's just a little something different in the perception.

This last week I was reading in Luke where Jesus tells about the wise man who built his house upon the rock an the foolish man who built his house upon the sand (Luke 6:48).  And the rains came down, and the floods came up, (you may be singing along now...) and the foolish man's house went SPLAT!  When we were little we knew that song was about Christians and Non-Christians.  Oh, look at those foolish non-Christians building there lives on hedonism, humanism, evolution.  It's only on the rock of Jesus and his principals, doing things his way, that we can expect to live stable, secure lives.

I grew up, went to college, started a family and for a long time it was very rare that I ever felt stable and secure.  Heck, I didn't even know anyone who said they felt stable and secure.  So, the old wise man foolish man parable must be wrong, right?  I'm a Christian, this shouldn't be how I feel, right?  I said the prayer, I did the getting dunked in water thing.  So how can I feel this way?

There are whole sections in Christian book stores about how to feel good about yourself, how you're a winner and an overcomer, how you should just change your perception and you'll have self esteem just because you did the prayer and the water dunky thingy.  I've always had a natural aversion to those sort of books because they feel...sickeningly sweet, like drinking soda syrup straight.  (What?  Oh, like I'm the only one who has ever...OK...maybe I am...snorted pixie sticks?  Anyone?)  I can't take the perma-grins of the authors on the cover, their wide mouthed, way too reassuring smiles highlighted with unnaturally white teeth. (If you hear laughter as you read that part it's probably my sister.  She knows exactly who I'm talking about there).  The whole thing of "think positive, that's all you need" has always seemed counter-intuitive to the gospel...and now I know why...well...OK...I have a better understanding.

The wise man and foolish man of Luke's 6th chapter has nothing to do with non-believers, but rather everything to do with believers.  Look at verse 46 : "Why do you call Me, 'Lord, Lord," and do not do what I say?..." and then He launches in to the parable.  It is those who call Him, "Lord, Lord,", those who proclaim Him as their teacher or, more appropriately, Master (according to the Greek) and yet don't do what He says to do.  That would be like me learning under chef's in culinary school, telling everyone how proud I am to be learning under them, attending daily classes, then decide I know better than them how to make a souffle, and just start guessing at what goes in it.  What's going to happen?  It might be barely edible but it's not a souffle.  Why call him Lord, Lord if you aren't going to do things as he says to do them?  Why waste the time if you aren't going to follow him and make up your own life recipe?

Now, I can't and won't judge you, but I'm more than happy to judge myself.

Until about a year ago I was doing the same thing.  Well, that's not completely accurate.  It is probably best to say that I have spent the past six years going through a process that has gradually brought me more in line with Jesus as my true Master that became very obvious within the past year or so.

In the past year I've gone on a self induced/guided journey through the New Testament chapter by chapter wondering what the "commandments" of the New Testament are.  I know the word "commandments" freaks us people of God's Grace out a bit, but they are actually there.  "Do this.  Don't do this," can be found in every book of the New Testament and yet we ignore them.  Let's just take this classic, "Let there be no divisions among you," from twice in 1 Corinthians.  In our modern times many people find identity in their divisions with other denominations.  "But, come on, that's Paul.  That's his opinion."  Jesus' words are even harder, "Be anxious for nothing,".  That's it.  Don't do it.  What is the antidote?  Prayer.  Making your requests known to God.

So, long story short, I started to do the things Jesus and the Apostles said to do.  Then, and only then, was when I started to feel peace and stability.  When I reject divisions among the Body of Christ then it follows that chaos within my life at church will be minimized.  When I squash pride and foolish talk (yes, the last one is an eternal work in progress) then my relationships are protected and enhanced.  When I refuse to be anxious about something and instead give it to the Lord and leave it there, naturally I will have peace.  When I choose to study His word and be in regular contact through prayer then, surprise, I feel not only stability but His presence.

This morning I got all dressed up to attend my church's Palm Sunday service.  It was a little bittersweet in a few ways.  I wore one of my Hawaiian style button up shirts to the service because that's about as dressy as I get.  The church doesn't quite feel like home yet.  I was reminded of this because I know if I was at my home church more than one, at the VERY least the pastor, would have commented on how appropriate my shirt was because..ya know...Palm Sunday, palm trees on the shirt.

For the entire season of Lent the question that the Reverend has been asking as our theme is: "What does it mean to be a faithful follower of Jesus Christ?"  I find that I'm not alone in my preference of over-intellectualizing that question.  When it comes down to it, it is not calling Him "Lord, Lord".  It is all to do with doing the things He tells us to do...even if it means loving your enemies...which...I'm glad I get along with a lot of people because that one's rough.

Pax,

W

On Lent: An Update

The sugar addiction fog has cleared a bit, praise Jesus.  Literally.  I have.  

It is amazing how we cling to things.  I have marveled at my own inability to let go.  When Paul talks about beating his flesh into submission in 1 Corinthians 9, he ain't joking.  It is insanely difficult to just give up sugar let alone the pet sins in our lives.  

I find that Lent can be a master class in letting these things go.  You get to the end of yourself and have to rely on God because there is no more of yourself to rely on.  If it was up to me I'd have that maple bar.  I'd dig deep into that creme brulee or indulge in my greatest temptation...Pepsi.  

I had a really big moment in my Lenten journey.  It might sound like I am making an excuse or being a bit of a hypocrite, and I considered that.  But something changed in me.  I was at my favorite coffee shop (seriously, the best latte I've ever had and it was without a flavored syrup) and the owner recognized me from a Google review I put online.  Without a word he came over and put a personal sized (not full slice) blackberry cheesecake in front of me.  I said, "Wow" and thanked him.  It sat there for a few minutes while I kept writing my new novel.  I looked from my laptop screen to the cheesecake and I realized that there was a complete absence of compulsion.  My mouth didn't salivate.  I didn't feel any longing or like if I pushed it away, said no thank you or something, that I would have missed out.  It was just a thing.  Just a piece of food.  And if you've seen me, I'm 291 pounds (down from 298 on Ash Wednesday, woohoo).  I'm a man who has eaten his fair share of cheese cake, cheese, and cake.  Not feeling anything was kind of a big deal.  

The man, I knew from overhearing a conversation from last time, is an artisan.  He makes 98% of the menu on site.  "Everything but the coffee beans, and we don't churn the butter," he said with a laugh.  I'm not an artisan, but I am a professionally trained cook and when I present somebody with something I've worked on, and am proud of and they refuse it hurts.  A lot.  He takes great pride in his work, and I realized (again, as much of an excuse as it sounds like) that it was about doing something to not offend.  Paul, of course, talks about this in being a Jew to the Jewish, Greek to the Greek, etc.  Was it a sin to partake during Lent?  If I was Catholic enough I might say that, but I'm not.  Grace is extreme and I wasn't violating the actual purpose of Lent in my heart.  Had it been earlier when I was really struggling I might have said something, but no.  Had I eaten the cheesecake and then felt horrible about it then maybe I would have written a different post.  And this is where the analogy of our little addictions being the same as sins breaks down.  It's instructive, illustrative in fact, but not equal to.  It was enough that during the first two weeks of Lent the Lord broke a major stronghold and after ingesting the artisan, hand crafted, blackberry cheesecake the craving was still not there.  At least not in the sanity clawing, soul shredding intensity it was before.

On the interesting but not necessarily spiritually relevant side, I have spent years suffering from acid reflux type symptoms.  For ages it did not matter if I ate acidic stuff or not, I would be popping the antacids.  At first it was kind of a "Huh...I wonder if sugar is responsible..." and then I ate the cheesecake.  The evening and all the next morning I had such acid attacks.  I am pretty certain I will not going back to sugar anymore after Lent is finished.  It will mean no diabetes, which I'm sure has been a concern of a few family and close friends.  

Pax,

W

On Lent: The Greatest Commandments

If Lent is a season in which we are called to consider "What is it mean to be a faithful disciple of Jesus" then we must consider, at some point, the Greatest Commandment.

1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.

According to Jesus, in multiple Gospels though I'm in Mark 12 for this one, the second is like it.

2. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Anyone with a Sunday School grade level can recite that from rote memory, but when it comes to understanding it...at least in my case, not so much.

How in the world is loving my neighbor in the same manner as I love myself anywhere CLOSE to loving God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?  It's something that I take on Faith (with a capital F, please note, which indicates the concept is too large for me to get a grapple on at the moment) because I don't understand it.  Feel free to comment down below and help me wrestle with it.

Taking it on Faith I tackle the more manageable second one.  And I've been crap at it.  I used to suffer from a fairly significant Social Anxiety.  I wouldn't dare call it "severe" merely because I have no basis for comparison.  It wasn't Anxiety in the way I think most people feel anxiety, which is a physical response with no corresponding logic to it.  Again, I haven't studied anxiety, so if I'm incorrect feel free to correct me in the comments below.  I've always had fairly logical reasons for my anxiety, or so I've believed.

When I meet a person I always have a certain amount of awkwardness because I recognize that I'm nothing to whoever I meet.  I'm a face without a name until I'm introduced, and who the heck am I to assume anything let alone that I have a right to their time let alone their consideration?  Sometimes I feel the same way about my blogs, but I figure you can just close them if you don't want them and be on your merry way.  I tend to feel that I don't even have a right to introduce myself to someone, and when others have introduced me I have felt like that was some sort of an imposition.  But, usually once a conversation begins even then I'm at a loss.  I'm not a very small talk type person.  I've never been able to pull off the "Oh...so, uh...are you originally from here?" type conversation.  It's awkward, I sound awkward, and it feels like I'm really not interested, struggling for something so the other person who started talking to me doesn't feel rejected.  And it sounds like that because I really feel that way.  If I could skip the awkward "getting to know you" bit and launch into the in depth struggling with our human and spiritual selves philosophical sort of conversation I would.  That's the territory I feel the most at home in.  But this, "Oh gee...that Nor'easter we got the other day...what did ya think of that?" is painful.  Then you search around trying to find something in common and people always go to Sports.  I know why they go to sports...but I am not a sports guy.  Even in my favorite sport of Soccer I don't much like talking about it.  And that's why I wear Fandom shirts.

Fandom shirts (currently wearing my Doctor Who shirt with the glow-in-the-dark Weeping Angels) let me bypass all of that...generally.  One of the Small Group studies I went to I spent 8 agonizing weeks going wearing a different shirt and got no bites.  It was a couples thing with the guys but me were all swollen armed "Guys Guys", talking manliness, outdoors, trucks, and the like.  I wore Doctor Who shirts, Sherlock shirts, video game shirts, and in a last ditch (and perennially futile effort) I wore an Edgar Allen Poe shirt with a quote from "The Murders of the Rue Morgue" and one of the ladies there said the quote sounded romantic.

I'm just not a "reacher-out-er".  I figure that if we are meant to be friends then it's going to happen, and even THEN I have anxiety.  My past is a long history of thinking that each friendship is actually more important to the other person than it actually ends up being.  And that hurts.  I was friends for two years with someone and our wives were good friends.  It's such a trite story where the friend holds a party...I didn't get an invite...then one of the other friends casually remarks that "Yeah, it was a great party.  All his friends were there." and I realize that I've been just an acquaintance all this time and I thought I was a friend.  It has happened in more instances than I can actually count on my hands, fingers and toes.  And it hurts.  It hurts a lot.  It doesn't just cut, it shreds.  That shredding makes a person more than a little gun shy when it comes to forging friendships and putting yourself out there.  I've been fortunate to have one person in my life who is such a good friend that when we meet up it's like we never parted (even when it was ten years apart) or I would give up on the whole "having friends thing".

All that to say that I have anxiety because I've been damaged, not some chemical imbalance...which would be far worse I agree.

And, all that to get back to what I realized about our second greatest commandment.

"Oh well...get out there anyway."

Satori is a Zen concept that indicates a sudden realization that feels like getting smacked upside the head with a brick spiritually.  I had that.

Loving your neighbor is about loving whoever happens to be next to you at the time.  Loving him/her as yourself means treating them precisely how you would want to be treated.  For me, that means getting over my anxiety so that I can welcome them into my life as warmly and completely as I would actually want to be on the receiving end of.  I need to be treating whoever I meet with precisely the same love and care as my one completely steadfast friend did when they met me.  Yes, I've been hurt.  Yes, I have anxiety to deal with.  However, I'm in danger of turning into exactly what hurt me.  If I hold my hurt I'll make it awkward for others, I'll love at a distance, I'll not invite someone, etc.  The only way to not become what hurt me to someone else is to let go, rely on Jesus to do what He has commanded, and love with His love.  It's scary, but I'm pretty sure He can accomplish it in me when He has already commanded it of me.

It may seem a little thing now that I've pushed it outside of myself for you to see, but I'm a bit bigger on the inside for the realization.

Pax,

W

On Lent : Plucking out an eye...

I remember the first time I heard someone explain the very colorful passage where Jesus declares that if your eye offends/causes you to sin then gouge it out (Matt 5:29 and then again in Matt 18:9.  My father had a friend from work over to dinner and he knew we were Christians.  The man was "Christ Curious" and asked my dad what the passage meant.  Was Jesus serious?  If so, my dad's friend related, he'd be a blind, mute, paraplegic before the week was through.   I laughed heartily, but it stuck with me.  It is such a vivid image.  My father went on to explain it was, naturally, Jesus being hyperbolic to establish how seriously God takes sin and, by extension, how seriously we should treat sin.

This Saturday (Hurrah for Saturday Evening church) our Pastor's homily/sermon (Is it "homily" in Presbyterian circles?  I know it can be for Catholics...bah...) was on the basics of what Lent is all about.  He said, "Lent forces us to ask the question, 'What does it mean to be a disciple of Jesus Christ?'".  The text was from Mark 8 where Jesus declares his own impending death.  Peter takes Jesus aside and rebukes him for saying he's going to die.  (Seriously...Peter rebuking Jesus...whew...) Jesus turns around and rebukes Peter by calling him Satan.  Seriously.  He calls him Satan.  And then he makes a statement that, because of the multi-millenia distance, sounds innocuous to us.

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

Let that sink in.  Let that REALLY sink in.  Forget that we wear crosses as jewelry.  Forget every time you've seen them in the sanctuary of your local church.  Forget that you know the end of each gospel.  What is a cross?  What was a cross to them?

It was a horribly unclean implement of torture used upon criminals originated in its use by an oppressive gentile regime.

Pick up my cross?  Really Jesus?  What the heck are you talking about?  I'm not condemned to die.  I'm not an unclean law breaker.  Did you eat some bad Matzo or something?  You're talking crazy, dude.  Maybe you should take a nap and we'll clarify that later.  Let's get you out of the sun there, Mister Messiah, OK?

If they could see us from then to now and saw the representation of the cross in our churches, around our necks, tattooed on our arms, on our Bibles, as decals on our vehicles, I'm fairly certain they would throw up in their mouths a little.  It was that repulsive to them.  We're talking on the order of when Jesus declared that if they wanted to be saved then they needed to eat his flesh and drink his blood.  It cost him a lot of disciples.

This was, of course, Jesus speaking outside of time already knowing what was to come.  But what is the cross we are called to carry?

It is not the things we give up for Lent.  As difficult as that is, and the sugar cravings are pretty darn bad over here, it is not our "cross".  Difficulties, disease, pain, problematic relationships, etc...I don't think that these are "the cross we have to bear".  Sure, they are less than pleasant to go through, but I think there is a bigger meaning here.

I like how The Voice puts it, "If any of you wants to follow Me, you will have to give yourself up to God's plan..."

HIS plan no matter what it is, the cost, or what might happen as a result.  Can you trust God's plan to death?  I find it to be pretty easy to say, "Yes.  In a renounce Jesus or die situation I would choose death."  It is harder when you add torture to the mix.  If you add public humiliation and shaming to it then I'm even less likely to be OK with the divine plan.  How about working for no visible result and still putting in the time day after day?  I often ask people, "What if God's "great and mighty" plan for you is to be a janitor?  Or a stay at home parent?  What if it's to work your 9-5 with no recognition?  Would you deny yourself and give your all for His will?"  I'm always surprised how many people discount that possibility.  They brush it aside with some personal assurance that whatever God has for them is FAR more glorious than something so petty or humble...forgetting, of course, that the least will be greatest and the last first in Jesus' upside down rule that declares us all to be servants and subservient to one another.

A cross, at least in my eyes, matches Jesus' path.  "I really would rather not have to suffer living through to this plan you have set before me...but, nevertheless, Your will be done."

The things we give up for Lent, I'm realizing, has more to do with the eye-gouging.  What I give up offends me, is bad for me, is going to ultimately kill me or my relationship to God.  I'm startlingly aware of why Jesus refers to these things in our life that offend as "body parts".  We love them like they are.  We take our sins or other negative behaviors and we clutch them to our chest, both disgusted by them yet very unwilling to give them up.  I'm shocked at how much giving up something as simple and relatively innocent as sugar is quite like losing a limb.  It becomes something of a metaphor for my "innocent" sins.  Jesus is calling saying, "Cut it off.  It's bad for you.  Trust me.  Pluck it out.  You don't need it.  It can only weigh you down.  Make the clean break."  Usually I find myself begging, "I only just want to keep it a little longer.  Just a LITTLE bit longer.  The littlest bit.  Come on.  Please?"  It's a self serving lie, of course.  He does know best.

I say to myself more than anyone else, "Let go.  Give it up.  Trust Him.  The Father knows best."

Pax,

W

Ash Wednesday

My family has recently begun attending the local Presbyterian "Mega Church" as I call it.  (Seriously, it's the biggest Presbyterian church I've ever seen.  It doesn't seat thousands but it does have three services).  The church we had been attending decided to move twenty minutes away so we'd been churchless for a while.  The Presbyterian church is where we've sent our kids to AWANA so we had a pretty good feel of the people or at least the place so social anxiety was minimal.  I had some other qualifications I felt I needed in a church (I can't remember if I've written about that.  I'll have to look.  That was an...interesting...process...) and the Presby satisfied them all.  We started attending the Saturday evening service which, let me tell you, is a great thing for a church to have.

Anyway, the point is that, as my wife states, Presby is kind of like Catholic light...all the ritual without the Latin, the guilt, and they let the leaders be married.  I'm not sure that's an official description, but suffice to say they celebrate things like Ash Wednesday.

I'd never been to an Ash Wednesday service before given that I had the typical FEC sensibilities of "It ain't in the Bible, so we ain't doin' it".  Maybe it's my age creeping up on me and sentimentality creeping in, but I felt like I really wanted to go and experience it.  I'd done Lent before and was committed to doing it again this year by giving up sugar.  Well, sugar in overt forms.  I know bread has some sugar in it as do fruits but I'm not giving them up.  The sugar in my coffee, cookies, candy, soda, etc. however are verboten.  It's the indulgences I'm limiting.  (Day two is going on right now for me and...the withdrawals are pretty bad right now.  My body is less than happy with me.)

There was a soup and bread meal before the service that we also attended in order that we might get to know the congregation a little better.  I say "might" because I'm a little strange when it comes to meeting people.  My wife is the more daring one when it comes to conversation.  I'm always busy thinking, double thinking, and triple thinking what I'm going to say, how it will be received, how they might respond, and by the time that process is over I start wondering if the length of time I've spent thinking it through has been too long so as to make it not just awkward but super awkward.  It's a vicious cycle.

The time came and we all filed into the sizeable sanctuary which filled up very quickly.  That was probably my first shock.  At all the churches I've been a part of before it was hit or miss that even a quarter of the congregation showed up for an event that wasn't on Sunday morning.

My nine year old daughter nudged me a bit and asked me where the ashes were and if they actually were the burned palm branches from last palm Sunday.  My little nerdling had researched it before we left the house.  I replied that I didn't know and that wasn't necessarily a for sure thing.  She then asked what it was all about.  Apparently the things she retained from her research were more along the lines of interesting trivia.
I explained about ashes as a symbol of mourning and how we come to Lent as a recognition of our sins; that our sins have offended God, that we are from dust and to dust we will return.

She asked if she had to get that stuff on her forehead if she went up and I assured her that it's only for the will, completely voluntary.  My daughter gave a confession of faith in Jesus last year and still hadn't even gone forward for her first communion so I didn't expect that she would even entertain the idea

One of the things people in FEC circles get hung up on connected to Ash Wednesday and, by extension, Lent is the focus on the "sin" component.  I was struck by this when my sister had called me earlier in the day to relate her experience attending the event at a Catholic church.  The priest apparently went on about our sin, how sinful we are, how it offends God, and so on until she had to leave.  Naturally my Smart Ass (tm) reply was, "Did you check the denomination before you went through the door" and she said yes, of course but...what about Grace?  Naturally my brain kicked into overdrive and started obsessing on the differences.  I came to a few conclusions and notions.

It was best said by the pastor at the Presby service that night.  He said that we cannot understand the full value of that grace until we understand the depths of our depravity and the offensiveness of our sin.

Jesus' sacrifice has little value to those who don't think they did much of anything wrong in the first place.  Amazing Grace is only such a sweet song when we realize we are a wretch.  I look reflect and find that I can easily live my life thinking that my sins are minor things because I'm keeping the Big Ten with little to no problem.  I'm really not bowing down at idols, disrespecting my parents in word or deed, haven't come close to murdering, and I can't even remember the last time I coveted my neighbor's donkey.  But God says my heart is corrupt and full of deceit.  I sin.  I sin all the time.  Not a day goes by that I do not sin.  It's a modern numbing that tells me "Oh, well, ya know He's going to forgive you so shrug it off and don't give it a second thought."  Just because I know that the Judge with find me innocent doesn't mean that I should feel nothing when finding that I've committed a crime.  Should I feel condemned?  No.  However, should I feel nothing?  Sin is a cancer and there's not a cancer patient in this world that hears the diagnosis and goes, "Oh, sure.  Ok, Doc.  Thanks," with a casual air like I can tend to do with my sins.

After an invocation prayer they had someone play and sing Phil Wickham's song Mercy and I nearly wept in my pew.  We forget that we need mercy.  It's so easy to fall prey to Behavioral Christianity that believes Grace covers everything so don't think on it or let it prick your conscience.  We become quite happily numb to our wretchedness.  I'm not at all saying that we should consider, as I was told as a child, that every sin we commit is another thorn in the brow or a twist of the nail in Jesus' hand.  But it does us well to remember on occasion lest we become like the Ungrateful Servant.

Ash Wednesday is a reminder that our sins have offended God.  Lent is all about giving up our little idols, our comforts, and mourning that we tend to lavish them with more adoration and attention than we do the Jesus who saved us.  In the end we are our own idols, as it turns out.  The things we give up seem to make room for us to hold on to more of the LORD.

I had prepped for the occasion.  I wasn't about to be caught off guard again by the Non-FEC style communion where they actually say things to you. "This is the body of Christ broken for you." "Uh....thank you?" (Direct quote from our first visit).  I wondered if they would go with the oh so Catholic, "Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return." or the slightly more modernly palatable, "Repent and believe the gospel."

The pastor looked into my eyes and said, "Dust you are and to dust you shall return.  Repent, believe the gospel and follow after Jesus."

For the second time that evening I nearly lost it.

I don't believe that there is a power inherent in the rituals themselves.  It would be easy to confuse the issue there.  I had always seen the rituals as empty expressions without power and meaning.  I was likely half right.  They are without power.  However I do believe that when we use them to draw nigh unto the LORD he is faithful to show up and draw night unto us.  Just going through the motions without a fully engage heart is not enough.  Believe that the ritual has any power in and of itself is not enough.  It's such a fine hair's breadth line that it can be difficult to put into language.

God showed up for me there, that is for sure, just like He has faithfully shown up in my "ritual" of praying three times a day, and reading my Bible first thing in the morning.

Something snagged my attention out of the corner of my eye.  The pastor was rising from a bent position and I wondered why since I believed that it was my wife right behind me and she's short but not that short.  A familiar bashful and half afraid face appeared belonging to my daughter as the pastor moved out of the way to put an ash cross on my wife's forehead.  I could not help but beam at my daughter.  I had wondered if she would ever take the next step in her faith walk by taking communion, and here she was participating in Ash Wednesday.  She followed me through the communion elements accidentally grabbing the crust of the loaf she was presented with and had an adorable little tug of war with the deacon who held it.  Dipping it in the cup of wine she walked faster to catch up with me and ask in a loud whisper, "Do I eat it now or do I wait 'til we're in our seats?".  I smiled and told her either was OK, but I eat it right away because it can drip on your hands.

We walked back to our seats, sang a hymn, received the Benediction, and were asked to exit in silence.

Exiting in silence was one of the strangest experiences of my life.  It was unsettling, and that was the point.  Ash Wednesday is not about rejoicing.  The rejoicing comes at the end, on Easter Sunday.  We were to feel unsettled, as if something was wrong, because something is wrong.  Sin broke the world.  Again, I like to think of it as a minor inconvenience, but sin is a terrible, horrible thing that has shattered lives, destroyed man's relationship with God and I wonder how many times I look at my sinning brother and I shrug in the same way I do with it in my life.  I couldn't help but think of my previous pastor and the Solemn Assembly he holds every year in October as an "Ash Wednesday" for another season of fasting.  I think we could stand to take sin seriously more than once a year.

Pax,

W