Two weeks ago I turned by back on the largest social media platform on the planet: Facebook. It was a fairly bold move on my part because I have been plugged into a mass social media outlet since the days of Livejournal, long before Myspace (the deposed, malformed cousin of the current King Facebook). That reaches uncomfortabley into the late 90s which makes it nearly 20 years of immediate connectedness; 20 years of soaking in the reflected splendor of likes, comments, re-posting and the like. The "problem", such as it may be, was that I remember the world before all of this "greater connectedness". I remember a world where your self worth didn't hang on your every word, tweet, and Instagram post of your dinner.
It was easy to look at my posts and say that "Hey, look! I'm communicating! That's why I'm here." The truth was far more subtle and more insidious than I thought.
Scientists have discovered that the reason people are so seemingly addicted to their phones is that when we check our messages, when we get a "like" alert, when someone reposts our stuff, when we read a funny post we get a little endorphin hit. Anytime the day slows down or even a conversation slows down we reach for our phones hoping to get a tiny dose of endorphins. Success in a game does this as well, which contributes to the rise in mobile gaming. We chose that instead of being bored or working through the awkward silences. I noticed that I'd be out to a meal with a group of people and as soon as I was done eating, once I was done being self absorbed, I'd start itching to pull out my phone. Inevitably some brave soul who couldn't take it anymore would break the proverbial "seal" and pull out their phone. With that social "permission" it was off to the races as everyone did the same.
Now, I don't want you, dear reader, to believe I am condemning those who do that. I was once one of them. I feel the craving even now even though I have deleted the app. The above were merely minor facets of a greater problem. It seems strange to say that me "happiness" was affected by social media, but which of us can say that it isn't true?
We are built to crave things, built to want satisfaction. So many of the impulses we fall prey to fulfill something deep in us. Whole industries are built on our desire for food, sex, and, social media the biggest of all, the approval of others. It didn't matter whether it was a "like" on a post or an argument that I got into, it was quite a drug. I can't count the number of times I was involved writing something witty or responding to someone's argument and my son wanted to talk to/play with me and I shoved him aside (figuratively). His pouting had little to no affect on me at the time. As I look back I'm ashamed by that behavior.
That was the first moment I realized I had a problem, that something wasn't quite right about this. I realized that it was addictive behavior.
One of the greatest reasons I used social media, one of which I already mentioned above, was in argument. I'm not talking about argument as in a fight for merely a fight's sake, I mean it in the classical sense. If anyone engages me in conversation and says something I know little to nothing about the chances are that I'll begin to ask questions about that subject. If the responses don't match up with my experience or understanding then I will pursue that line of questioning challenging the individual. Not in a confrontational way, though the internet doesn't have much flexibility of tone so it often gets construed as that. My goal in all things is to find the truth and the heart of the matter and that often requires questioning...which can wrankle people. In person or on-line I am super sensitive to one particular tactic. When I question a statement/belief I will often ask a few questions in response. The individual then either a) gives an oblique phrase that sounds like it answers the question but provides no answers at all (politicians do this all the time) or b) answer one question and purposely forget all the others. This...drives...me...nuts.
Back in the beginnings of social media the idealistic notion was that we would all communicate en masse and come to a better understanding with each other. We would engage with one another, ideas would collide and the species would be greater for it. That was the promise. The reality was hardly surprising when I think back on it. The pioneers who blazed the trail WERE the open minded seekers of truth...those who followed behind reinforced societal norms of cliques and punishing by insult and exclusion those who refused to go along. Instead of fully exploring an idea among equally curious and open minded individuals and thereby come to a synthesis of ideas it became tribes (or herds if you prefer) of like-minded individuals. I still believe that this is the power of the internet, but the outliers, the "mavericks", and open minded have either been consumed or have found a different fringe upon which to hold their meetings. Popularity of a medium can be a terrible thing. And this was another facet of my frustration. Few in this world are looking to have their ideas and beliefs challenged in open, honest discourse. The dream became a nightmare...or, most appropriately, a nightMIRE that few can escape from.
The time suck was another facet, and the one that ultimately was the final straw. There were so many things I could be doing with all that time. Writing was the first thing that sprang to mind that I never seem to have time for. The one that hit my heart the hardest (and the reason I'm writing this on my spirituality blog) was that I never seemed to have time to focus on my Bible or prayer. I'd sit down, get a notification and *poof* thirty minutes later that rabbit trail was fully explored. "This will just take a second," I'd say and half an hour would be gone.
I wish that I could tell you that Facebook is gone and now I'm reading my Bible and praying regularly as intended. Of course not. There is within my flesh a rebellion and that shouldn't have come as much of a surprise to me as it did. There are a thousand other distractions in life that my sin nature is very happy to revel in rather than read the very words of the God who fashioned every atom and sacrificed himself to pay my sin debt. Yeah, when I thought of it like that I felt pretty small too. And this infinite God who effortlessly directs the courses of nations and the future of mankind as a whole, who loves me and prepares a way for me...that God actually WANTS me to talk to him and I'd rather watch the first season of "The Great British Baking Show" AGAIN than do that.
The two days after quitting Facebook have had a profound affect on my. I am more present, more focused, more patient and engaged with everything around me. But the greatest thing so far in these admittedly early stages of "detox" has been one particular realization. My previous Pastor had a mentor who often told him many years ago that he had a broken "wanter". That means that the things he wanted were not the things that were best for him, that his desires were leading to places that were the opposite of healthy things. That is accurate of all of us. Quitting Facebook made me realize just how broken my "wanter" is because I slowed down and was left with little to do but ruminate, to think thoughts without somewhat regular interruptions. There has been a silence to where now I can think and process instead of moving from one notification to the next, or crafting something witty to get "likes".
Again, I don't condemn those on Facebook. If you have an account we can still be friends, by all means, and if you check your phone while we are out to eat I won't glare. I don't think negatively of those who do. This is just where I'm at for me...and things are getting better.
Pax,
W
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