One of the greater dangers of Protestantism is the freedom it engenders. (For those who don't know me insert the "no...I'm not saying I want to go back to Catholicism..." disclaimer here.) I've mentioned in other posts that during my own childhood it was quite confusing to come to the front of the church with my soul stirred by an altar call only to say the prayer, be patted on the head, given a "gift Bible" and sent to sit with the other believers like a good boy. I'm sure I was not the only one to ever receive the treatment and wonder, "Uh...this is it?". It's quite a bit like hitting twenty-one and you realize that the next big age based event on the calendar is an "Over The Hill" party.
Pentecostals have another thing to look forward to after conversion in the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit". After that you find out your gifting, put it into use, given opportunities to practice it and it's all so exciting. The problem there is that eventually people start manufacturing excitement, manufacturing "crisis" that must be spoken in tongues over etc. At least that was my experience in a few places. Most people become addicted to drama. I, on the other hand, get terribly fatigued by drama. (The last time I encountered Church-drama someone sent me a letter in order to "Tell on the Pastor" I threw it in the trash without opening it because I was just tired of the back biting, slandering, and petty behavior. We never cause so much damage or fight so hard as when there is so little at stake.)
Over the years I've gotten up the courage (or frustration...usually frustration) to ask something along the lines of "What the heck do I do now?!". I'm seeking some way to "do" this things call Christian life and I've often been frustrated with the answer. It's a freedom loving answer. It's always a very non-committal answer of, "Well...ya know...read the Bible. Prayer. Prayer is good. Love your neighbor. And..well...that sort of thing."
I understand that no body in Protestant circles wants to tell another EXACTLY what to do. There is a whiff of legalism that tends to follow there, but sometimes I wonder how much not having outlines of options creates something of a "option paralysis" in more than just me. "Well, try reading in the morning. You know...if you want. Like, maybe in the morning. Or in the afternoon. Or...ya know...whenever. Try and fit prayer in there somewhere. If it's important to you, you'll figure it out." I always hated that last phrase which is more kiss off than I'm comfortable with. Because I can't figure it out then it isn't important to me. Why did I ask you about it? OH, to help me figure it out. Yeah.
Maybe it is just me, as things often tend to be, but too much freedom on a specific thing tends to make me feel like it can just be left up to chance. I want to make Jesus the focus of my life, the very rhythm of the song of my existence, I want it to take up my identity and the best those who came before me (who are alive to talk to) can come up with is, "Well...ya know...do...or...do not...God loves you either way!"
And this is why Catholicism (for all its faults) sounds so good. There is pattern, there is rhythm, there is ritual. You wake up, you do this. You go about your day, you go to mass daily, you say your rosary, you pray at these times. It has shape, structure, and solidity to it. Does it slip into "If you don't do it this way you are going to hell." ? Yeah. Absolutely there is that danger. But what you do proclaims to the world and reflects back to yourself who you are and to whom you belong.
I remember as a teenager having a conversation with one of my parents (ok...argument is probably more accurate) and I threw something in their face about how they don't pray or read the Bible. I was being a snot and more concerned with winning the argument than what was actually true, so I went for the kidney shot which with my parents was their faith. They'd live but I wanted to make it hurt for a long while after. They whipped around on me and rightly told me that I have no idea whatsoever they do with their time. I didn't see what they do in the privacy of their bedroom, or when I wasn't around. I'm almost completely certain that their intention was to keep to the New Testament idea about keeping those things private, and possibly so I could make my own decisions when it came to faith in Jesus, that my coming to him would be genuine and honest.
In retrospect I see the rightness of what they said, but I wonder what I missed out on. Catholics, Jews, Muslims, and Mormons for crying out loud each have systems for their faith. All the Mormons I knew went and attended classes at their church buildings every morning before school to learn about their faith and how to defend it. I still maintain that they probably know more about the Old and New Testament than I do because of their head start. In Catholic and Jewish (orthodox) families they teach their children "This is how you do it. This is how you read this. This is what this means. This is how we act and here is why." Protestantism, as I've seen and understand it, has had as a byproduct a sense of "Ain't nobody going to tell me how to do this" and so we tend to err on the side of, "Come to Jesus and be nice".
"So, why don't you just figure out a way to do it that works for you and just do it, man?"
I will. Believe me I will get to doing that. In a sense I feel that I'm also looking for community. So many people are obsessed with the dual video screens and Hillsong style worship that lasts twice as long as any sermon you might get and then go out to eat, go home and watch the Broncos once a week as the way to do this Christianity thing, and I'm not there anymore if ever I really was. Maybe it's because I'm staring 40 in the eye and I distrust things that play with my emotions. Anyway, the point is that there is a sense of belonging in doing things the same way with others who follow Jesus and the "grab bag" sort of walk hasn't been working. It's causing a bit of discontent that I think comes from a divine place.
So, what works for you? How do you inject Jesus into your life daily? What's your "pattern" of "ritual"?
Pax,
W
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